Maybe a guy could fall instantly in love, but I doubt it. I think love creeps over you like a warm feeling on a clear blue fall day. This person is in your thoughts most of the time-all of the time actually. You see her when you close your eyes, when you look off into the distance,when you pause from what you are doing and take a deep breath. You remember how her fingers felt when they touched you. The loved one becomes a part of you, the most important part. At least it is that way with me when I think of you.
Even though the day of the Valentine has passed, I was a little surprised by a question a dear friend asked me today. “Who did you get for Valentine’s Day?” I thought I had misunderstood what he was asking – but, he meant the question exactly as he stated it. It was his humorous way of getting to the point of the conversation. “Who am I looking for?” Notice his question was not what am I looking for, but who. And he would not let me off the hook with my statement: I’m not looking for someone to go out with, I’m looking for someone to come home to.
As I thought about that question I realized that I can list whats forever but until I personalize into a who – my chances of finding someone are a lot less. It’s not visualization by any stretch of the imagination, but it IS putting the wants a desires in a highly personalized form.
Let me share some of what I came up with…only some, after all there are some things that are just too …um…personal. That’s it – personal.
1) He caught my eye from across the busy and incredibly noisy room. It was a gathering neither of us had really wanted to attend, but it was important to ** that we be there at least for a portion of the evening. I was beginning to lose patience with the evening – but then I caught him looking my direction. I smiled at him, and got that delightful half-smile back. His was a look that said: “I know we’re here, but in my mind, we’re home together.” And in that moment, any resentment faded away.
2) It had been one of “those” days, full of people with agenda, people with attitude – and the word “crabby” doesn’t even begin to describe the people around me. I was exhausted, frustrated and ready to tear a bear limb from limb. Of course, traffic on the road home consisted of idiots. (Have you ever noticed that when you’re driving fast or slow – you’re driving defensively? However, when someone else is doing the same thing, they’re idiots?). When I finally arrived at home, I sat for a moment in the car just to get my breath. As I opened the door, he was standing there – a glass of “gentle-libation” in hand. Nothing spoken, just handed me the drink, and pointed toward the couch. I sank into the soft cushion, took a sip and felt the day begin to slip away. I realized we did the same for each other. Our arrival home was into a place of sanctuary. A place of peace and joy, with an overlay of love.
3) He’d already told me how he thought his day was going to go. A train wreck probably would begin to described what he was facing. He, being the more organized of the two of us, had laid out what he was going to wear – and had prepared what he was planning to take for the lunch he probably wouldn’t have time to eat. As he was getting ready for bed, I slipped a small piece of paper into his pants pocket – it was incredibly personal and somewhat raunchy. The kind that would raise a slight blush when he read it. I also slipped one into one of the lunch containers…just to let him know how much I love him – and cherished his feelings toward me.
4) It was a complete, total and very angry fight.
While tempers flared, and heat was expressed, both were careful to not fling the words that would wound, tear apart or kill. Finally, the emotions were spent, the problem not completely resolved and we both were feeling fragile, exposed and raw. An eerie silence had descended on our island of peace. I was shaken and somewhat afraid. I glanced up and was met with a silent stare. And then, without warning – he stuck out his tongue at me and then giggled … yes, giggled.
5) In the silence of the night, I listened to his steady breathing and rejoiced. I turned to go to sleep, and felt a gentle touch on the small of my back. A soft, quite voice said: “Are you asleep?” “not yet,” I replied, “but I thought you were.” I turned to face him and we quietly chatted for a few moments. Nothing major, nothing earth-shaking, but just one of those face-to-ear talks in the night. I felt his hand on my stomach .. and his fingers gently move in almost an abstract manner…
As I worked with this “challenge,” I thought I would issue one. Does this work? Is this a good way to think about the “one” I want? And more importantly – what do YOU want in your “one-and-only?”