Category Archives: cat

Horses Sweat, Men Perspire And Ladies Glow ~ Late Night Thoughts

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The last of my illness seems to be passing away. Unfortunately, it seems to passing through my body…all I will say is there has been more dripping and such (I’m being discrete here folks!) and I’ve been literally sweating more out. Thanks for the comments and emails I’ve received…they mean a lot. I think this is the last of it.

I didn’t want to simply not post tonight – and as I was bedded down this afternoon reading I ran across a delightful passage in a book that I just HAD to share with you.

I am an enormous fan of Lilian Jackson Braun who has written over 20 of “The Cat Who…” books. Without taking away any of the surprises in the books, she has managed to create a set of characters that are amazing in their reality ~ and a pair of Siamese cats that, if people will only pay attention, can solve murder and other mysteries.

The main character (other than the cats) is a delightful bushy mustached gentleman by the delightfully odd name of Qwilleran who writes a “Qwill’s Pen” column for the local paper. In the book “The Cat Who Saw Stars…” he also starts a column about grammar – titled Gramma’s Grammar. And as much as I love words, puns and use of language ~ I just couldn’t resist this passage:

Dear sweet readers — Your charming, sincere, intelligent letters warm Ms. Gramma’s pluperfect heart! Sorry to hear you’re having trouble with the L-words. The safest way to cope with lie, lay, lied, laid and lain is to avoid them entirely. Simply say, “The hen deposited and egg…He fibbed to his boss … She stretched out on the couch.” Get the idea? But if you really want to wrestle these pesky verbs to the mat, use Ms. Gramma’s quick-and-easy guide.

1- Today the hen lays an egg. Yesterday she laid an egg. She has laid eggs all summer. (Ms. Gramma likes them poached, with Canadian bacon and Hollandaise sauce.)
2- Today you lie to your boss. Yesterday you lied to him. You have lied to the old buzzard frequently. (Tomorrow you may be fired.)
3- Today you lie down for a nap. Yesterday you lay down for a nap. In the past you have lain down frequently. (See your doctor, honey. It could be an iron deficiency.)

Here’s my challenge: what fun combinations in the style of the above can you come up with for ~

who – whom
that – which
as and like
less – fewer

Meoarf! ~ Early Morning Humor ….

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Diaries of a Dog and Cat

DOG

Day number 180
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

CAT

DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer”. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

Bah! Humbug!!

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>The other day I got a phone call starting off “and you can’t say no.” Who can resist an invitation such as that? What I couldn’t say no to was a large artificial tree I was being loaned for the holidays. This news was met (later) with the realization that I was going to have to move some furniture in the living room of my smallish apartment to make room for it.

This, as usually happens to me, caused a chain effect that ALL the furniture was going to have to be moved…including everything where my computer is/has been. This was very worrisome to me as my computer is basically on life-support and has to be treated with a LOT of TLC. It, as it’s owner, is somewhat old ..LOL … it’s a compaq presario 5630. It’s got to hang on by it’s painted fingernails until I can replace it.

Last night I was moving furniture, cords and such. Yes, I was muttering, saying some things very loudly – including a couple of suggestions that are physical impossibilities. I eventually got things where they were going to rest, and discovered that the cable cord would not reach the computer. I now have a lovely art object I’m calling “ snake of love” going across part of the floor. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!)

Then, it was time to turn the computer back on. Nothing. Well, the monitor was trying to be helpful as it splashed across it’s screen “Monitor working ok, no input. Check connections.” I have to say my heart sank to beneath the soles of my shoes.

Saying very nice soft sweet nothings and nothing but sweet love to the computer, I began to check all the connections, cables and plugs. It’s now 3am, and I’m not going to bed until this is solved. Then (hand slap to forehead) I remembered that I had turned off the computer completely by the switch in the back. With a sigh of relief I turned it on and heard the lovely sound of my ancient friend starting up.

This morning I got up early to finish moving things around and complete the discovery of places that needed to be cleaned. And then I waited for the delivery of this delightful tree. About an hour ago I got a call with the information delivered in a breezy fashion that he had forgotten about delivering the tree and he’d try to do it sometime in the next week or so.

I think I’m going to start saying “Bah Humbug” to the season!!!!!

I thought the picture from http://www.oddtodd.com pretty well summed it up!!