Category Archives: communication

And So I Begin ~

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Over the next few days, I’m going to take one of my rambles.  As I’ve been reading and listening and watching I’ve been disturbed by the discourse, or rather the lack of discourse that seems to be permeating everything.  I’m a member of several public and private forums, a long time member of Pogo games, I’m on Facebook and have a pretty extensive list of blogs and magazines that I follow regularly – OK, daily.  There are several places I generally stay out of the comments – YouTube, for instance – as I don’t expect any level of civility, reason or coherent thought.  But over the last few years, a lot of places have degraded seriously …

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I have some thoughts on why – unfortunately, I’m not sure I have any solutions …. but, perhaps as I write – some will come to me….

Golden Eggs (2) ~ Early Morning Thoughts`

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Last night I recounted a fable about the golden goose that laid golden eggs.

“[While many people see the story as a warning against greed or even the more you produce, the more you do, the more effective you will be.] . . . I suggest that within this fable is a natural law, a principle – the basic definition of effectiveness True effectiveness is a function of two things: what is produced (the golden eggs) and the producing asset or capacity to produce (the goose).

If you adopt a pattern of life that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the goose, you will soon be without the asset that produces golden eggs. On the other hand, if you only take care of the goose with no aim toward the golden eggs, you soon won’t have the wherewithal to feed yourself or the goose.“1

At this point, I basically had an epiphany about some of what I had been doing in the past and even recently. (Epiphany can be a “nice” word for getting smacked in the back of the head with a 2×4)

I learned there are three kinds of assets – physical, financial and human.
Three years ago, I purchased a good computer. Later I purchased a very good monitor…(not to play World of Warcraft, of course) And over time, I’ve given some thought to their maintenance and upkeep – but not as much as I should have. Now, the computer is in need of some attention, by someone that is a little more knowledgeable than I am about serious maintenance. I was actually looking at the short-term and had started to run this asset down. Of course, I can say the same about my body – and trust me there is a LOT of work to be done there. (major overhaul for 600, Alex)

The next asset is financial. And I’ve had to make some changes there as well. Not that I, at this point, have to worry – but if I were to continue living my life as if tomorrow didn’t matter, I would soon be having to worry about tomorrow. Of course, our ability to earn and manage money is a financial asset as well. But, there will come a time when perhaps I won’t be able to earn money and I don’t want to do things that will get in the way of the now.

A year and a half ago, I took a job as a by-the-week apartment manager 1) because it was supposedly right up my alley and 2) it was going to pay me a salary that was much higher than the level of the job seemed to be. It was what seemed to be a good opportunity. Lots of promises were made and I signed on at the interview. The fact also that I had been without work for sometime might have played a part in it as well.

Now that I look back – especially with the golden goose in mind – I realize that this fable DOES contain principles. The properties were owned by a slumlord less than honorable group of people. There were serious maintenance issues, etc. I thought at the time, if I can only get the rents collected, keep the tenants happy keep moving people into empty apartments and get whatever maintenance needs accomplished I can within the system that I would be fine.

Right at the start what was being produced (the rents) was getting much more attention than the capacity to produce (the apartments). And as I look back over some of my posts about the place, I knew what was going to happen much earlier then I admitted it to myself. And now, I’m doing in six days what “normal” apartment managers do in four weeks. And each week I got the privilege of starting all over again.

So now, I’m fighting my ability to collect rents/fill apartments/evict those who don’t pay/keep the central family office happy (what is being produced) by my constant frustration over what isn’t happening and my feelings of sheer terror at losing the job and not having an income (producing capacity) as well as being determined to please the “boss.”.

Up until the last several weeks (the change due to a lost lawsuit about overtime) managers were basically on-call 24/7 and worked seven days a week. Something was going to give, and I can tell you – as far as the family was concerned – it wasn’t going to be what was being produced.

As I began to spiral downward from all that was going on – to say nothing of what I was fighting mentally that I didn’t even realize – I have to say that my rent collections were the best in the entire system of apartments (in three states). I had a positive balance on the spreadsheets – the bible of the owning family – and everyone had basically paid all that was owed and some were even ahead.

–more on this tomorrow
_______________
1. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey pg. 56

Golden Eggs ~ Late Evening Thoughts

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With tropical storm Eduard bearing down, people are beginning preparations for what may/might happen … where I live in Houston, we will probably have plenty of rain and some wind. As with tropical storms/hurricanes they have a tendency to keep their intentions fairly close to the chest and don’t play their cards until the last possible moment.

Lat week I finally got a copy of a book that has been available for a number of years. I have e-mailed the author for permission to do some quotes from the book, but tonight I wanted to start with a story the author tells. It was a story I’d heard a number (?!) of times before – but where I am on this journey now – this time it really spoke to me on a number of different levels. (with apologies to Aesop and others)

There once was a man who by being blessed with good fortune was given a goose in exchange for some work that he did. While he was not happy with only getting a goose, he thought it would at least make a good dinner as it seemed very fat and actually quite content.

He took it home and placed the goose in a box by the fireplace so that it could stay warm and stay within sight.

In the morning when he looked in the box the goose had been in – he was astonished to see a golden egg. One golden egg. Knowing this was quite valuable, he took it into market and sold it for quite a good sum of money. He was pleased.

Each morning he checked the goose’s box and each morning there was yet another golden egg – each as valuable as the first one.

This went on for sometime and eventually the man became somewhat impatient. Rather than having just one egg a day, he began to wonder why they goose didn’t lay two or three. . . or even more.

He began to realize that the goose must have either gold inside or a lot of golden eggs. So, early one morning – right after the goose had laid yet another golden treasure, the man killed it.

He quickly cut it open expecting to find a treasure that would make him rich and powerful for his entire life. He was to find nothing other than what any goose or living creature would have inside.

And now, he was left with a hacked up goose not fit for cooking and no goose to lay golden eggs.

For years I’ve heard the “moral” of the story as “greed can overreach itself” or “haste makes waste” or “what some people have is never enough.” But there is a very different approach to the story that really had me evaluating my life and somethings that I’ve done. Not that they were “bad”, so to speak – but perhaps there might have been a better way…

–more tomorrow

By the way – I thought you might enjoy the Indian version of the story – this was translated and published in 1895.

The Golden Mallard
from The Jataka

Once upon a time when Brahmadatta was reigning in Benares, the Bodhisatta was born a Brahmin, and growing up was married to a bride of his own rank, who bore him three daughters named Nanda, Nanda-vati, and Sundari-nanda. The Bodhisatta dying, they were taken in by neighbors and friends, whilst he was born again into the world as a golden mallard endowed with consciousness of its former existences.

Growing up, the bird viewed its own magnificent size and golden plumage, and remembered that previously it had been a human being. Discovering that his wife and daughters were living on the charity of others, the mallard bethought him of his plumage like hammered and beaten gold and how by giving them a golden feather at a time he could enable his wife and daughters to live in comfort. So away he flew to where they dwelt and alighted on the top of the central beam of the roof. Seeing the Bodhisatta, the wife and girls asked where he had come from; and he told them that he was their father who had died and been born a golden mallard, and that he had come to visit them and put an end to their miserable necessity of working for hire.

“You shall have my feathers,” said he, “one by one, and they will sell for enough to keep you all in ease and comfort.”

So saying, he gave them one of his feathers and departed. And from time to time he returned to give them another feather, and with the proceeds of their sale these Brahmin women grew prosperous and quite well to do.

But one day the mother said to her daughters, “There’s no trusting animals, my children. Who’s to say your father might not go away one of these days and never come back again? Let us use our time and pluck him clean next time he comes, so as to make sure of all his feathers.”

Thinking this would pain him, the daughters refused.

The mother in her greed called the golden mallard to her one day when he came, and then took him with both hands and plucked him.

Now the Bodhisatta’s feathers had this property that if they were plucked out against his wish, they ceased to be golden and became like a crane’s feathers. And now the poor bird, though he stretched his wings, could not fly, and the woman flung him into a barrel and gave him food there. As time went on his feathers grew again (though they were plain white ones now), and he flew away to his own abode and never came back again.

The Coal Becomes A Diamond ~ Early Evening Thoughts

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The response and viewings of my post, Nodrin King’s posts and Though Lovers Be Lost post about Paul Potts has been interesting and very heartening. The videos haunted me all day today ~ even to the point I was tempted (ONLY tempted) to sneak another look at them while at work today. (I said only TEMPTED!)

So many people in the audience (to say nothing of the judges ~ although I have some sympathy for them ~ have you seen America’s Got Talent?) had prejudged him as he walked out on stage, settled themselves in for a possibly dreadful performance ~ then he opened his mouth and that wonderful, powerful and amazing voice rang out.
Of course, one of the major questions I got was: “Did he win?” Yes, he did ~ and with no further editorializing ~ here is the video clip of the announcement. Another question I had was: “Would he have made it on America’s Got Talent?” I don’t know … but I would hope so.

And I certainly hope that the people with the rights to “Britain’s Got Talent” will continue to allow these clips to be seen by as many people as possible.

And I certainly don’t want to pass over any diamonds in myself or others that might be disguised as a lump of coal.

–more tomorrow night

A Little Lump Of Coal, That Could Become A Diamond ~ Early Evening Thoughts

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A dear blogger Nodrin King posted two of these videos on his blog (A Flat With A View) the other day. Having not been on the computer for anything other than work for several days, I missed his post ~ until today. Now, several Kleenex’s later ~ I’m ripping borrowing his post and adding a little bit to it.

In the videos is a man ~ by his own admission ~ with little self-confidence, having been bullied in school, was always “different” making an astounding journey. I’m not going to say much more, I don’t want to spoil your own discovery.

However, I will editorialize just a l i t t l e bit. In the first video watch the judges reactions to him as he says what he does for a living and what he is going to do as an audition. I see their reaction over and over again in life. And you know what? It’s so shallow and condescending. Who are we to make any kind of judgment about someone until we know them?

Probably one of the most disappointing moments in a recent friendship was when this person told me they just simply couldn’t be friends with a particular person anymore because their friends just weren’t all that good looking. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I had a few things to say … I’ll post more on that later. But being someone who always had difficulty regarding themselves as special, attractive or having a lot of self worth, these videos really spoke to me on a deep, deep level.

And remember the Kleenex’s … you WILL need them.

The audition: Where the title of this post comes from ~

The semi-finals:

The Finals: He sings the same song he sang for the audition ~

Thank you Nodrin ~ These videos made my day!!!!!!

Dark Matter In Space And Life(2) ~ Late Night Thoughts

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There was a slight (?!) pause between the last post and this one (OK ~ I regard 24 hours as slight…in posting time anyway.) However, I had a delay in getting an answer to what was wearing me out.

However, here is where I’m standing at the moment. Exactly how can someone be told what the bitter anger, resentments and “persecution” is doing to them and to those around. How can you show someone – who can not see the examples around them – that things can and should be different.

As I was searching for answers, I stumbled over the answer right in front of me. There is no use “telling” someone what their anger/bitterness/resentments are doing to themselves and/or others. Doing this could result in an enormous argument with denial and even more anger. Instead of helping, it creates more barriers to any change or epiphany to create a sense of what needs to be done.

I would love to say that this is the “WD method of handling people” and market it. However, it really is a combination of a number of ideas that I’ve heard/read/ripped off/been told over the years. In this problem, it involves two parts: 1) the I part and what I will call 2) the directed question part.

Often, when someone has a problem with another person, they tell them so by using a “you-statement,” for example, “you didn’t …..!” While the statement may be true, by phrasing it that way, the listener is likely to get defensive, and begin to argue. They might reply, “I couldn’t because the deadline was unreasonable!” or “You are always pestering me…..!”

Another approach to the same problem is using an “I-message:”

When you interrupted me speaking
I felt angry because
I was feeling unimportant.

While this disguises a “you” statement, it allows the thoughts/feelings of the person to be expressed in a fairly non-threatening manner. Hopefully, it will cause the other person to think and not simply react. However, there has been some rethinking about these statements. (But wait ~ there’s more!) The point of the statement is to get the other person to see the problem from a different non-threatening point of view. However – there is a tendency for these statements to come across as stilted, childish and somewhat patronizing ~for adults anyway.

Situation 1: Mark is yelling at James because James changed the channel on the television from MTV to VH1. Mark is calling James names and telling him to turn it back or else Mark will pound him.

Traditional “I” message:
James says to Mark: “I feel angry when you call me names and yell at me and I want you to stop it.”

The above statement would warm the heart of almost any trainer/consultant over the last few years. What I think it would NOT do is change anything in the situation.

New “I” message:
James says to Mark: “Hey, Mark. Cool out, man. I’m starting to get angry. I don’t like it when people call me names and threaten me. I didn’t know that changing the channel was such a big deal. Can we work this out like friends?” (no doubt a sanitized version of the actual conversation)

(And as a bonus ~)

I thought these kind of statements were easy ~ I was given this example from the Ohio Commission of Dispute Resolution and Conflict Management. I would be interested in answers. Aside from the fact this brought up a huge set of memories (not so pleasant) that, frankly, surprised me.

Jerome is walking to his locker when an older student bumps into him and then begins yelling at Jerome about being stupid and clumsy.

Jerome say to the older student:
(ten bonus points if the end of the statement does NOT involve Jerome hitting the other student or both of them getting expelled/suspended.)

Now, the second part that could be used is (as I said) what I’m calling the “directed” question. These questions are somewhat probing and yet, non-threatening. These are more difficult to phrase. This is actually what I’ve begun to use with the problem I’m facing. I want SE to see for them self what their behavior is doing to them self and those around.

These type of questions take thought and some planning.

—more on this tomorrow (within 24 hours I promise!)

And Your Little Dog Too! ~ Early Morning Thoughts

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One of my daily read favorite blogs is called “Don’t MAKE Me Get My Flying Monkeys!” I have to admit that the very first time I saw the title, I had to repress an enormous urge to shout: “I’ll get you and your little dog too!!!” As I have followed the blog over time, I have have found out just what a delightful person Laurie is and those connected to her as well.

Laurie ~ you have kept all of us so updated on your life, and then you began the series involving Dale and ALL that he has been going through in the hospital (to say nothing of your (1) hysterically (2) described (3) trip (4) – well, the drive (5) anyway – to get there). While convincing me all the more, that a hospital is not exactly the place to get well … at least Dale has been surrounded by love, care, concern, hope and a decided lack of fear. (If anyone hasn’t read it – now would be a good time to click on the link above ~ or the one –>RIGHT HERE<– )

Now, you are faced with the wrenching problem of having to leave for a time.

As much as I hate to leave Dale in this condition, I have work duties that have to be taken care of. Making the decision to go is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I don’t see any way out of it and it is breaking my heart.

I know just how difficult that decision has been and is for you. There is such a sense of feeling that you will not be there — and not be there for Dale. However (comma) I want you to assure Dale:

I may not be physically present,
but my spirit remain.
My hope
is ringing
the hospital bed
on which
you
lie.

I may not be physically present,
but my concern
and love remain.
That love
has seeped
into the walls
around
the hospital bed
on which
you
lie.


I may not be physically present,
but my thoughts
and belief remain.
They will shine
from the corners above
the hospital bed
on which
you
lie.

I may not be physically present,
but I will see you
at every turn,
I will see you
in a stranger’s smile,
a word of greeting,
a moment of silence.
I will hear your voice
as I look out over
the valley,
as the cats play
terminator with
their cat pole,
and
as the wind comes across
my face
in the mornings.

No, I may not be
physically present ~
but I’ll be (insert favorite “cuss” here)>)
if you’re going to
be
rid
of
me ~ yet!
—wd

(An aside to Wolf:)

As you know, I play a character on World of Warcraft … allow him to imbue your armor with +25 stamina, your chest plate with +16 Int, +5 Crit. I’m going to add +22 healing to your armbands and +16 healing to your ring of defense. Go forth young Warrior!!

–picture of the flying monkey was labeled as a Mattel toy. I’m sorry I don’t know the date of manufacture.
–seeping light picture from http://www.theleggett.com/index.php?tag=art

Friends(hip) ~ Early Morning Thoughts

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As I continued to think about friends and friendships today, I was struck again by the truth of the quote:

True friendship is at once selfish and selfless. And both sides are necessary. Both sides are good.

Otherwise, it becomes something that is one-sided and (as I have learned) very unhealthy. And at times, that has been a problem for me. I have had a tendency (that I still have to battle with) to simply become a conduit for the other person. It’s been a sense of giving them more importance than myself. I would placing their problems, joys, hopes, dreams above my own. I’ll be posting as to how I realized what was going on, and what I’ve had to do to make changes. Tonight, I wanted to stroll through some ideas that have meant a lot to me about friendship and what it means.

The Gift Of Friends

There are days when
bubbling from us comes
the innocent child within,
who giggles at the little things
and wears a silly grin.

There are days when
melancholy comes to
visit for a while;
the mind feels tired, the body weak;
we have no strength to smile.

There are days when
joy abundant
grabs a hold of you and me;
wraps us up in all it’s splendor,
lifts us up and sets us free.

There are days when
sorrow wraps us
in its cloak of grief and fear,
’till our hearts ache to the breaking,
’till our eyes can’t shed a tear.

There are days when
love bestows us
with its wonderment and light;
with its beauty and its mystery,
its power and its might.

And there are days when
life rewards us
and seems to make amends
by granting us a marvelous gift,
the precious gift of Friends.
–Karin Schaefer

The next poem/statements really struck a chord with me the first time I read it. As a series of simple statements – each one if packed with power and truth. I also discovered that if I didn’t agree with something he wrote, if I left it alone – I discovered he was generally right all along…

I am not your friend if. . .
you have to think a long time before you speak to me!

i am not your friend if. . .
my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable!

i am not your friend if. . .
you have to continually say sorry for everything you don’t do!

i am not your friend if. . .
you hesitate to ask me for favors!

i am not your friend if. . .
you think i would not be curious to know your new philosophy of life!

i am not your friend if. . .
you go by what i say and do not understand what i don’t say!

i am not your friend if. . .
you think that listening to your dreams would put me to sleep!

i am not your friend if. . .
you think that seeing you in pain, would not bring a tear to me!

i am not your friend if. . .
you don’t realize how your smile brightens up my day!

i am not your friend if. . .
you would rather keep quiet when you really wanna to talk!

i am not your friend if. . .
you hesitate to ask me to stay back when you think we should be together!
–attributed to a Serbian freedom fighter

And for the final thought in this post, a very short poem that absolutely made a difference in MY outlook the first time I read it. But then – being a terminal romantic (we’re the ones that pat the sandwich after we make it – remember?) it would speak to me in many different levels.

Lost Treasures

They told me

that to truly find something,
you must first lose it.

So I lost myself,
and what I found was
you.

They were right.
–H. Lamb

–more tomorrow

Be A Grape – Not A Raisin ~ Early Morning Thoughts

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Yesterday as I was around various groups of people (at/on the bus -stores-waiting for a friend to get out of work) I was struck by the various attitudes and behaviors. I realized how much people seemed beat down, giving up and incredibly unhappy with themselves and the world around them.

It’s not hard to understand. A simple look at the news that besieges us almost on a minute by minute basis is far from anything that allows time to digest, process and deal with in a way which creates a safe haven to allow life and joy to work through all that is out there.

And much of it seems to create even more divisions than are already there. An NBA star announces he’s gay, another NBA star says he hates gays; someone announces their candidacy for public office, others immediately announce why that person is unfit for public office. Hundreds get trapped on airplanes frozen to runways for hours. And it seems so much that should be harmless suddenly becomes deadly – peanut butter, who would have thought? And fear can grip like a viper and spread its deadly poison.

When I had given up all hope and had lost the meaning of even living…I too felt that nothing matter, there was nothing to go on for and certainly nothing that I could/would be able to do.

In making the journey back from the edge of nothingness, I have my return to childlike enthusiasm, hope, joy and personal responsibility.

I have more on this topic, but let me state as I have in previous posts – I have no intention of advocating a “Pollyanna” outlook on life (I have always wanted to slap her when either reading the book, or choking my way through the movie). Nor do I advocate the “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better” school of thought advocated by Emil Coue. Mine is not a perfect journey, but a personal journey.

For now, I have gathered some quotes that reflect directly on what has made differences in my life – and those around.

So many people are using up their precious moments of life striving for a bigger house, newer car, college for the kids, and many additional outer expressions of the so-called necessities of life. How many moms and dads are overwhelmed just trying to keep up with their notions of what is called for to be a successful family? Being too busy trying to manage a career and a family and not having fun and joy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Some people born as ripe, plump grapes have become dried up old prunes. Why be a raisin when you can be filled with juice?
–Stan Smith

Nothing is lost upon a man who is bent upon growth; nothing wasted on one who is always preparing for … life by keeping eyes, mind and heart open to nature, men, books, experience … and what he gathers serves him at unexpected moments in unforeseen ways.
–unknown

The work of an individual still remains the spark that moves mankind forward…
–Igor Sikorsky

You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked; it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
–Franz Kafka

He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure. His every thought is allied with power and all difficulties are bravely met and wisely overcome. Thought allied fearlessly to purpose becomes creative force. Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
–Carl Jung

That which we are, we are, and if we are ever to be any better, now is the time to begin.
–Lord Alfred Tennyson

When you have to make a choice, and don’t make it, that in itself is a choice.
–William James

Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You cannot cross a chasm in two small jumps.
–Lloyd George

Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
–Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

First keep the peace within yourself, then you can bring peace to others.
–Thomas a Kempis

And remember, we all stumble, every one of us .This is why it is good to go hand in hand.
–E. K. Brough

Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding of ourselves.
–Carl Jung


Often, people try to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things or more money in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.

The way it actually works is the reverse. You must find out who you really are, then do what you need to do in order to have what you want.”
–Margaret Young

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
–Mark Twain

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
–Elbert Hubbard

Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes.
–Chinese Proverb

The whole purpose of the universe is unerringly aimed at one thing – you.
–Walt Whitman

Knowing others is wisdom; knowing the self is enlightenment.
–Tao Te Ching

Everyone stumbles over the truth from time to time, but most people pick themselves up and hurry off as though nothing ever happened.
–Sir Winston Churchill

He who postpones the hour of living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses.
–Horace

Computers are useless. they can only give you answers.
–Pablo Picasso

Be not afraid of changing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
–Chinese Proverb

A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
–George Bernard Shaw

Only those who risk going too far can know how far they can go.
–Unknown

The freedom to fail is vital if you are going to succeed.
–Micheal Korda

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
–Abraham Lincoln

He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life away in fruitless efforts.
–Samuel Johnson

If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month — get married.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.
–Chinese proverb

Early Morning Thoughts ~ "But They Made Me Do It ~

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Today, I read a news article that really stunned me.

A major U.S. AIDS treatment group plans to file a lawsuit on Monday that accuses drug giant Pfizer Inc. of illegally promoting recreational use of its blockbuster impotence pill Viagra.

The AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF) told Reuters it wants Pfizer to be barred from marketing Viagra as a lifestyle or sexual enhancement drug. The nonprofit organization said Pfizer’s actions had led to risky behavior by men and an increase in HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. (And they did not say gay or straight – just behavior by men)

“Pfizer has created and contributed to the perception of Viagra as a safe, sexy, lifestyle, recreational drug, to be frequently used regardless of the degree, or even existence of” erectile dysfunction, the group said in draft legal documents.

Pfizer, the world’s largest drug maker, said it was committed to appropriate Viagra use and urged men to see a doctor for a proper diagnosis. The drug is sold by prescription. (Of course, both straight and gay “party spots”of any kind, have various people that can make it available without a prescription.)

While I personally feel that ED has become the latest “fashion illness.” For a gay organization to blame the drug or its ads as causing unsafe behavior is a twist of logic that bothers me.

It’s not the fact that it’s available readily that troubles me, it’s the unwillingness for people straight or gay to accept responsibility for their actions that is the most troubling. In the sexually charged atmosphere of a circuit party or a night out at the bar or private party, it can be difficult to avoid the enticement of all that is available. It is still a matter of personal choice as to whether or not to participate – and willing participation should result in a willingness to accept the consequences of the actions.

As a person I really respect once said: If you’ve lit the fuse to the bomb, you can’t pray for someone to come along and blow it out…you either have to blow it out yourself, or decide not to light it in the first place.

But it seems that more and more, people want to avoid the responsibility for their actions/decisions and to try and find someone to blame. Someone to become the scapegoat. It would be easy for me to take this to the political arena, but that’s for another time I think. (Perhaps in a galaxy far, far away!) When I refuse to acknowledge that my actions have reactions, then I need to find someone to blame.

The Internet is littered with many stories about people who refused to accept the choices that they made, and seemed to get away with it. The burglar who fell through a skylight and wanted to sue because there was no warning label that warned him that falling through the skylight could be dangerous. The tourist that sued a travel agent because they weren’t warned that a coconut falling on their head could cause pain.

While laughable in some cases it points up a serious and growing problem. It’s an inability to acknowledge that what I do can/does have an effect, and that effect can be serious.

When my Father had a seizure and the resultant exams showed brain cancer – it was also discovered that he was addicted to pain killers, and had been for some time. I was impressed with my Mother’s reaction. She didn’t go after the doctor’s who wrote the prescriptions nor the several pharmacies that filled them. She went directly to the heart of the problem – my Father. Of course, by that time it was apparent that taking him off the addiction would be worse than treating the cancer. But at least there was control of the situation, and an acknowledgment from Dad that he had made some poor choices.

And that’s where the mountain seems to be…poor choices. And as far as sex is concerned, we know the correct choices. As far as some moments in our lives we know the correct choices. I know that hot coffee if it spills will hurt, that putting my hand through glass will cut…and the list could go on and on. But what about the subtle choices…the one’s that don’t seem that obvious.

the 2nd part of this tomorrow