Category Archives: complex tales

Pop, Lock and Drop ~ Early Evening Thoughts

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I will be the first to admit it ~ well, actually I don’t admit it to very many people. I am no good with locks. I had admitted in a previous post that the very first lock I drilled (to force it open) I made such a mess of it we had to kick the door in to get it open. It would be wonderful to say that things have improved since then, but a couple of recent events have convinced me that is not the case.

Recently, there was a problem with someone who was doing certain maintenance who had a habit of walking off with the keys to various storage rooms at the various properties. Normally, this would not be a problem as they usually are quite quickly returned ~ especially after an irate phone call from a manager to the maintenance person. Unfortunately, in this case, the maintenance person appeared to be walking off with more than just the keys. Now, I’m faced with a padlock that can’t be cut off with bolt cutters and a boiler in the storage room that needs some attention. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t and never have enjoyed cold showers. I’ve discovered that my tenants don’t care to take them either.

That shouldn’t be a problem. I have a drill, the necessary drill bits and my wonderful expertise in drilling a lock. What I was never told ~ padlocks drill differently than ordinary locks. VERY differently. In an ordinary door lock/dead bolt there is a “sweet spot” on the lock that can be drilled and the lock will magically open…for everyone except myself. If someone has a diagram of that spot, I would appreciate a copy of it. I’m convinced that each lock has it’s own spot and only maintenance people know where that spot is.

The spot on a padlock is different ~ dead center evidently. I started up the drill ~ thought better of it, and called our handy maintenance man who was working at a different property. I’ve got drill in hand, lock in sight and cell phone to the ear. “Be careful,” I hear him say, “not to drill too far in or you’ll never get it open.” I found that very hard to believe. I got ready to drill. The involved putting down the phone as I had to hold the padlock in my hand while drilling. The mental image forming is probably very accurate.

I start in and have this sudden vision of having to be taken to the hospital with a drill bit through my hand, arm or other appendage. Maintenance had told me not to drill too far ~ I was really convinced that I really didn’t want to drill at all. I will admit it, having to hold the padlock while I drilled made me feel similar to a magician’s assistant on a board while he hurled knives at me .

Bracing myself ~ for what I wasn’t sure ~ I again took the lock in one hand, and drill in the other. At the moment I started to drill, the phone rang. Using any excuse to put down the lock and drill, I answered it. The maintenance man was about five minutes away and wanted to know how I was doing. I tried to be quite nonchalant about it all ~ but he knows me. “Would you like me to come and drill it for you”, was a statement I was not about to turn down. He arrived and actually talked me through the process. Yes, I held the lock and I drilled the lock and the lock did open. OK, I have to admit something: I found out (about half way through the lock) that there is a way to not have to hold the lock while drilling.

The boiler problem was quickly solved ~ and hot water was forthcoming. Maintenance went on his way (minus the key) and a new shiny lock laughed at me from the storeroom door.

—more lock tales to follow

An Intermezzo ~ Early Evening Thoughts

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I will continue the saga of the missing manager probably tomorrow, but I can let you know this much ~ the manager was physically fine, the complex was not. Things has begun to slide, slip and not get done. Some were major ~ as in no hot water for several days; some were interesting ~ as we were getting ready to evict someone for non-payment of rent, when the new tenant of the apartment walked in to pay his rent. Of course, there was no record of this new personage let alone a record of what happened to the former personage.

We were able to get a new manager, and things are headed back on-track and as they should be.

Today was an official day off for me…and I took it! I disappeared from the complex for several hours and had a delightful time. Some friends took me to the large home improvement box store ~ even after they read what happened the last time I was there. I did the aisles and found many things I would actually like to own. But, alas, no scenes from a major motion picture were filmed today. But, I did get some people watching in, as I enjoy doing.

Then, we went to the cell-phone store so I could do what we all with cell-phones have to do to keep it turned on ~ make a payment. The store opened at 1:00pm and we arrived shortly after that thinking that we would be able to waltz right in and get our business accomplished.

We waltzed through the door, and straight into a long line. It would appear that everyone else had the same idea we had. It’s just that more people had it earlier. Directly in front of us was a Joe Pesci “wanna-be” ~ complete with the hair-do and voice, but the wrong hair color, nationality and size. Other than that, it would have been easy to mistake him.

He seemed to know a number of the people that were also standing in line, and we were treated to an almost unending stream of greetings, information about those people we would rather have not known … and at one point he was loaning someone some money for their cell phone bill. That prompted about six of us to also hold out our hands to be part of the gravy train! Alas, no such luck.

While I don’t mind lines, my knees do. I moved to a chair located toward the front of the line and sat while my friend held my place in the line. This gave me a very good opportunity to watch the person at the head of the line ~ I’ll refer to him as Mr. Bling-Bling. He was upset that 1) he had to pay on his bill and 2) that he had to stand in line as the rest of us were. I call him Mr. Bling-Bling because of all the jewelry he was covered with. There were two LARGE either diamond or very good fake earrings embedded in his ears, the teeth were glittering with jewels (I really didn’t think people were doing that anymore), there were chains with jewel encrusted objects from diamond (or very good fakes) studded dog tag, cross and other objects. He also was sporting a couple of quite large flashy rings.

What fascinated me the most was his attempt to get some kind of a discount because he had to stand in line. This was an on-going conversation with the person behind the counter. And I do mean, on-going. He tried every method he could think of for a discount: good customer, mis-handled customer, standing in line customer, long-term customer, always paid his bill on time customer ~ the list was quite long and quite impressive. The person behind the counter was not in the least impressed.

Finally, Mr. Bling-Bling took his case to a higher authority and called Customer Service. They were equally as unimpressed as the person behind the counter had been. At last, he was forced to realize that 1) he needed to pay the bill and 2) there was going to be no discount whatsoever…good customer or not. I thought at the time, the rest of us deserved a discount for his having tied up the line for as long as he did, but decided that the person behind the counter’s sense of humor probably wouldn’t extend quite that far to appreciate the joke. I restrained myself admirably.

The rest of the afternoon was spent at a very large, very impressive aquarium shop in what had been formerly a Japanese restaurant. Very lovely, very well laid out and many incredible fish. I did find exactly the fish tank I have been looking for, and for ONLY $23,000 completely set up and running. If anyone wishes to donate, I will be glad to provide a receipt.

—more tomorrow

Complex Complex Tales ~ Late Morning Thoughts

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This has been a very difficult week. One of the managers from a sister property “disappeared” on Saturday afternoon and no one had officially seen or heard from her since. I say officially, because there was some information that indicated she was at least alright and had not been in the hospital or such.

Monday morning I and another manager had to take over the office. This involved drilling out the locks as she had taken the keys to everything with her. As you have learned from previous posts drilling and changing locks is not exactly my specialty. I discovered that it was even less of a specialty for the other manager. When we were finished the front of the office looked like a tool shop with metal shavings everywhere.

When going into a situation such as this, the first concern is ~ of course ~ the money. We are a business that does not accept cash or checks ~ only money orders. This eliminates some very serious potential headaches. However, there are places that will cash money orders without even looking to see who they are made out to or what kind of endorsement they carry. This, at first glance, did not appear to be an issue. There are also several programs in place that prevent something such as that happening. It doesn’t completely stop it, but it makes finding out if that happens almost immediate.

Now, of course, we have two managers that are not at their properties ~ trying to make sense of someone else’s.

–more to come

Aging Rambo (Complex Tales) ~ Early Evening Thoughts

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As much as I enjoy getting out and doing ~ sometimes, with my knees it can turn into an adventure. I usually in the grocery store get one of those electric carts and enjoy terrorizing doing the aisles and getting what I need. I even use them at what are called the “box stores”…large over filled and over crowded stores with the very recognizable name(s).

The other day I went on a new adventure ~ a home improvement box store. I decided upfront that I would use the electric cart and enjoy the ride. The person I was shopping with decided that my cart would be an excellent repository for various items being purchased for our two complexes.

The screwdrivers, drill bits and such I didn’t mind. However, the sections of wood began to present a bit of a problem …and then there was the boiler pipe. A nice, round L O N G piece of pipe. I had that balanced on one shoulder, and had some ability to steer with the other hand. I’m sure it was quite a sight.

Then, I saw him ~ the “kid.” You know the ones in the store – totally bored, trying to stay out of trouble, but looking for something/anything to liven up the day.

Then, he saw me. The one with the large metal pipe leaning on his shoulder, in a cart that could only move at a certain speed.

The following account is absolutely true. (thank heavens there were no video cameras!)

Our eyes met and there was an instantaneous silent agreement. There was a slight nod from him, and a narrowing of the eyes from me. I moved my cart into position.

He ducked behind a handy display ~ but I was ready.

I raised the boiler vent pipe to shoulder level and waited. There were two sales people that stopped, turned and looked. I waited . . . A pair of eyes took a quick glance from behind the display and then he made a run for it.

I didn’t do anything, the timing wasn’t just right. Again, he took a quick glance and made a mad dash for the hand tools section. I fired (loudly, I might add) …once then once again … each time taking careful aim with my rocket launcher. He took a direct hit from the second shot…and fell gloriously, noisily and with great dramatic effect in the middle of the floor.

At this point (to quote someone) the parental unit attached entered the picture. I think he would have liked to be upset, but with several sales people and customers laughing and his child unit dusting himself off …it would have been very hard to be upset.

Understand that during this entire time not one word had been exchanged. I took a last look at him, smiled …blew on my fingernails and dusted them on my shirt. He gave me an enormous grin and a thumbs up sign.

I went on my electrified way to find the friend I was shopping with, he went with the parental unit to check out and everyone went back to doing what they had been doing before all this happened. I certainly felt better – I hoped that he felt better about the day. My friend, totally oblivious that a major motion picture scene had just been filmed, apologized for taking so long to find something.

Complex Tales Or Flip The Switch Henry! ~ Early Evening Thoughts

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The finals of the “it was a dark and stormy night” for this year have been announced and will be posted tomorrow night probably… (thanks EB for the heads-up)…Today was my own “dark and stormy”, or so I thought. Along with the usual phones, people, a boss wanting to micro-manage, demands on time and energy – I had my personal SWAT team here today (again with the vice-grip handshake!).

They really worked very hard to get a lot of things accomplished. There was much noise of maintenance happening ~ a lovely sound I haven’t been able to hear for awhile! I also went with them (at their invitation since I was the one with petty cash!) to purchase some of the needed materials.

While on the way back from the trip/expedition I got a phone call from a restricted number. When I answered it, a woman simply started the conversation with: “This IS the ________ apartments, right?” I answered in the affirmative. “And you DO have an apartment XXX, right?” Again, I answered in the affirmative. “And you ARE at __________________, right?” Once more (with little feeling) I answered in the affirmative. “We’ll be out,” was her response as she hung up.

I have to admit there was a sinking feeling of my heart heading for my shoes, and my stomach heading out my back. In all honesty, I inherited a complex (as I’ve indicated) that has suffered from severe managerial neglect (for lack of a better or more politically correct term) ~ and by taking on this inheritance, I also have inherited the possibility of some consequences from the city. I now made the assumption that the call was from one of the city departments (correct assumption) about to do an inspection (wrong assumption).

By the time we arrived back at the complex, I had developed a somewhat plausible plan of action. However, when I sat down at my desk, the phone rang again. This time it was a person who nicely identified themselves as someone from CPS (child protective services) who wanted to know if I had received a call from a parole officer about one of my apartments. Now, I know the person who lives in the apartment in question ~ which is directly above mine. The thought that they might be on parole was indeed laughable. Then ~ as Paul Harvey would say: “The rest of the story…”

It seems this “lady” with six (yes, six!!!) children had given her parole officer my complex and one of my apartment numbers as her address. This “lady” was on the “run” and they were trying to find her. At the end of what I would call a good bridge building conversation, the person made the statement: “Aren’t you glad we called rather than just showing up with police and all?” To which I had to agree. What I didn’t tell them was the image that ran through my mind at that moment, was a montage from several silent movies … that was best left unsaid.

The day carried on from there ~ and made me think my mind was beginning to turn to mush by about 4pm. And it was around that time I heard someone else’s mind beginning to turn to mush ~ or close to it. My vice-grip handshake friend was having real difficulty with something that should have been simple…even for me. (No snickering or sniggering behind your hands, please!!) The light fixture in the laundry room needed to be changed out. A new, improved one had just been purchased and was being installed.

I was watching the miracle of electricity being installed when I was interrupted by a tenant who took literally five minutes to tell me someone needed to clean up in parking slot 5. (Clean up in aisle four!) I kid you not — FIVE minutes. I had to interrupt watching to go on poop detail in front of the complex. All I will say, that was one healthy dog!

I thought when I got back, I would see the wonder of light in the laundry room ~ which had been absent for awhile. Unfortunately, there was no power to the light or the light switch. Everything else in the room was working as it should. My vice-grip handshake friend was reduced to vague mutters about ~ well, I’m not sure what they were about, but I have a feeling various people’s (possibly mine) ancestries were being called into question.

The two of us went through various scenarios, ideas and thoughts. We both prodded, poked and twisted various things to see if they would work. At one point, vice-grip handshake went and purchased a new circle fluorescent bulb to see if that was the problem.

Finally, about the third time we were tearing apart the light switch, it hit me. The breakers. Off to the electrical box ~ some choice words on my part now and definitely an ancestry called into question. I had posted about the maintenance man who is no longer here due to getting in between two people who were arguing – and both people turned on him. He had the key to the locks on those boxes.

Fortunately, vice-grip handshake and those accompanying him have great experience in drilling locks – and in moments we were into the box and checking the breakers. There it was, the one switch on the top. A slight flick of the switch, and there was now power in the laundry room, joy in my heart and vice-grip handshake realized that I might be mature – but I’m NOT dead!!

All in all, a satisfying day.

As I was posting this tonight, I was reminded of a Lewis Carroll poem I once earned three dollars from my parents for memorizing at a very young age…

I’ll leave you with that poem tonight:

You Are Old, Father William

“You are old, father William,” the young man said,
“And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head–
Do you think, at your age, it is right?”

“In my youth,” father William replied to his son,
“I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.”

“You are old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before,
And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door–
Pray what is the reason for that?”

“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
“I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment – one shilling a box–
Allow me to sell you a couple?”

“You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak–
Pray, how did you manage to do it?”

“In my youth,” said his father, “I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.”

“You are old,” said the youth, “one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose–
What made you so awfully clever?”

“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,”
Said his father. “Don’t give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs.

—more tomorrow
should be able to post pictures this weekend!!!

And Then They Arrived ~ Early Evening Thoughts

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It would be nice to be managing a larger complex, I decided on Wednesday. My frustration level was almost at optimum, and I was waiting for maintenance to happen. Most large complexes have their own dedicated (to the complex ~ I won’t deal with how dedicated to work they are!) people that are supposed to accomplish miracles in a short space of time.

I had been waiting for some not-so-minor things to be accomplished. Waiting, waiting, waiting. It was much as the furniture story I posted the other day. This time, however, there were no fingernails to chew…they were gone. There was no one to yell at ~ well, no one who was part of the solution to the problem anyway.

Finally, I pulled in the “big gun” and made a phone call. To who will remain behind a discretionary curtain – but needless to say, help was promised within the hour. Now, we all know how that can go ~ one hour stretches into three or four and then into a day. I was prepared. Within the hour, as I was standing outside getting some air…a truck pulled up and it was reminiscent of a cop movie. Four burly guys flew out of the truck, one charged up to me ~ put out his hand. He shook mine in a vice-like grip, asked what needed to be done now and as I was stammering my response (yes, my hand hurt!) they were off on their missions.

I have since dubbed these folks my personal SWAT team. They accomplished in two hours (!!) what had not been accomplished in two days. I would have done a victory dance, but was afraid I’d fall in the bushes or the street ~ so I admirably restrained myself.

Today they were put to the test. I had three drains in three apartments that were backing up and overflowing…not a good sign. The SWAT team were dealing with issues at three complexes, but assured me they would be here today to get more magic done.

I should have simply trusted them – but … so, when they weren’t here in the morning, I started trying to find out what was going on. It’s not as if there weren’t other things that needed attention, but I was getting some/most/a little of those done as the day went on its merry pace.

It was now afternoon. And one of my more delightful (sort-of) tenants was coming into the office at increasingly shorter intervals to let me know that 1) no one had arrived yet and 2) the water was still backing up and 3) to give me a running tally of how many “buckets” he had taken from the sink and dumped in the toilet.

Of course, there were the usual phone calls, tenants and prospective tenants sandwiched in around getting paper work done (remember, in a weekly rental apartment I do everything I had a month to do before in 5 days…and then get the privilege of doing it all over again the next week!).

Finally, I was making phone calls at increasingly shorter intervals to find out what ~ if anything ~ was going to happen.

4:14pm came around and my SWAT team arrived…this time with only three members. There was the same exit from the truck as before, the same bone crunching handshake … and they piled into the work. And by the time I left for awhile at the end of my day, they had accomplished all they set out to do, and all that I needed them to do. A good feeling.

Now, I’m not sure what the tenant is going to do tomorrow without a reason to come in and give me reports ~ but perhaps (given his …ahem…advanced age…more than mine) he’ll spend the day recovering.

As for me? Tomorrow brings new challenges, ideas and keeping up with what needs to be done.

I don’t get the SWAT team back until Wednesday ~ but that is alright, as I can rest comfortably in the knowledge they will be here and will get things accomplished!!

Maybe I better watch out – they might start doing my job as well … Now that’s a thought ~

–I’m still unable to publish pictures … hopefully in the next few days …