An Important News Interruption … Early Afternoon Thoughts

Now, it’s not the Royal Baby ~ Although, I do have a BuzzFeed graph of what the internet might have looked like this afternoon …..

the internet on the royal baby

No – it’s a very important discovery …..

Those of you who’ve been around my blog know that I suffer from depression…sometimes serious, deep depression and that I have (according to the Doctors) probably suffered for as long as 60+ years.

Treatment/medication are fine.  But this article from The Independent in England has given me tremendous hope.

I”ll link to the article, but this just might be the money quote:

Researchers used a particle accelerator called the Diamond Light Source to understand the structure of CRF1. The X-ray machine’s powerful beams illuminated the protein’s structure, according to the Sunday Times, including a crevice that could become a new target for drug therapy.

The information gained from this study will be used to design small molecule drugs that fit into this new pocket to treat depression.


This is wonderful news, and news that gives me hope for all of those (myself included) who suffer from this disease ….

Here’s the link to the article ….

Odd Thoughts Because It’s Been An Odd Day ~ Late Afternoon Thoughts.

There’s been a lot going on this week.  I have a friend at Stage (end) cancer, another friend that is facing what could be heart failure.  I’ve been strong and uplifting until last night …. that’s when I discovered that the well had run dry.  I’ve been around long enough and through enough (look back through this history of the blog for those episodes that really revitalized my outlook) to know that it’s bound to happen.

Even counselors know that a sponge can only absorb so much, and then all that has to be squeezed out or the sponge becomes of no use.

Today, then – became a quiet and reflective day.  However (comma) I really wanted a few things to possibly 1) kick me in the behind to make me move (LOL) or 2) make me laugh and/or 3) inspire me ….

Here’s the laugh factor …. as a preface – the Mouse House (AKA Disney Studio) is NOT known for their sense of humor in regards to what others might do with their material.  I’ve been surprised at some of what on YouTube is allowed to remain and not so surprised at what they’ve wanted removed.

In this case, they took the recording outtakes/bloopers from The Lion King and animated them and included them (evidently) in The Lion King DVD … I’m still chuckling over parts – especially the last one.  I have to admit when I saw the film the first time (and the stage show) a part of me wondered if that had ever happened.

And now – THIS video made my day just to be able to watch these folks fly … and what a rush it must have been for them …..

Let me quote:

Wingsuit flying is the sport of flying the human body through the air using a special jumpsuit, called a wingsuit, which adds surface area to the human body to enable a significant increase in lift. Modern wingsuits, first developed in the late 1990s, create the surface area with fabric between the legs and under the arms. A wingsuit may be referred to as a birdman suit, flying squirrel suit, or bat suit.

A wingsuit flight normally ends with a parachute opening, so a wingsuit can be flown from any point that provides sufficient altitude to glide through the air, such as skydiving aircraft or BASE jumping exit points, and to allow a parachute to deploy.

The wingsuit flier wears parachute equipment designed for skydiving or BASE jumping. The flier deploys the parachute at a planned altitude and releases the arm wings, if necessary, so they can reach up to the control toggles and fly to a normal parachute landing.

Now that my heart has stopped racing … enjoy…..


And They Came To Believe And It Came To Pass ~ Late Evening Thoughts

[updated video link 9/26/2012]

Hopefully, by the time I’m done this post will make sense.  Starting with Friday, this was an amazing weekend for me.  I celebrated a dear friend’s birthday, went with two VERY dear friends to Rocky Horror Picture Show with a wonderful, silly and noisy audience, and Sunday went to a club where I actually felt free to dance and not worry about the “youngers” standing on the sides going “ewwwww”!  I also, at the club had my inner theater geek (30+ years in theater will do that do you) explode as I got to see ~ but sadly not touch ~ the computerized controls for the entire light system.  Yes, it was an amazing, exhausting but fun weekend.  A true mountain top experience.

As we all know, you really can’t live on the mountain top ~ you inevitably must go down into the valley.  And that’s where I came to today.  One thing I’ve learned is that there’s really no good grass or water on the mountain top, it’s down in the valley.  While the valley may not be totally comfortable and it’s certainly NOT the high of the top, it still is very, very important and extremely worthwhile ~ if you let it.

As I was dealing with the “down” of today, my mind went to some of my friends complaints that I have a tendency to believe in people far longer than I should.  I know that it is sometimes a problem.  I had one person I was trying to help who fell into the pattern of using me to “have a place to stay to sober-up, get a little food to eat, clothes washed and a little money” – rinse, repeat.  I have another that I have such a soft spot for…a couple of years ago, he was trying to spark a business and I made an investment.  Not in the business, but in him.  I believed in him then, and I believe in him now.  I’m seeing some pay-off from the investment, but I must be the only one so far.

But as I was wondering in my mind ~ there is a saying that “My mind is a dangerous place to wander in, unaccompanied ~ especially at night ~ I began to question my belief in people.  Then, my inner “me” took me back through much of my life … the problems in college, relationships that failed – badly, the three suicide attempts.  It was the third attempt  (which I posted about here before – feel free to read the history),  when at the CRU – the Crisis Residential Unit – that someone actually said they believed in me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, there were plenty that believed in me, but somehow I had to come to the bottom before I could really realize it.  And as I climbed out of THAT “slough of despond” I became acutely aware of how powerful our belief in someone can be.  Oh, I’ve done it before, but there always seemed to be an agenda.  Now, I’m working agenda free.

To me, that’s where the power really begins.  You see someone not just as they are, but as they could be for themselves…..not as the person YOU want them to be.  I can’t change anyone, I can only encourage and believe in them.  They may not take the paths I would have or would have chosen – but they are on their own journey not mine.

I’m going to post more on this at another time, but also during the “down” of today, I found this video.  Here’s the power of only ONE person believing in someone.  He had only one person, his grandmother…I still cry each time I watch this video.  I want my life to be as she is … in the background, but believing.  That’s one of the things I’d like to be remembered for when – in the not too distant future – I’m gone that someone will say: “He believed in me”.

First off, I’m sorry there will probably be an ad (it is from You Tube after all) and please watch it all the way through and see what terrible power being told “you’re not good enough” can have over someone.  I’m not saying we have to encourage someone when they obviously can’t do something.  There’s no way at my age and (ahem) physical condition I’ll be an Olympic athlete – but there’s other things I can do…. and so can you.

[It appears I own an apology to Freemantle AND X-factor UK …Here’s the video embedded]

See people where they are, and for who they are … and as I used to tell my speech students, don’t change the pattern, just eliminate the flaws.

Light On The Way ~ Early Morning Thoughts

I have a very dear friend who is going through a very difficult emotional time.

To my dear suffering friend:

When I wrote of the experiences of the train trip while in India, I included this end note:

Squeeze a lemon and you don’t get apple juice” was a popular saying a few years ago. The meaning was quite simple – whatever I am inside, is going to come out during stress and strain. Whatever masks or identities I wear — when the going gets personally tough, whatever is within – whatever I hold as “me” is probably going to “shine” when the push becomes the shove. Miss Marley (an elderly lady who lived at the school – and was the oldest resident of the school) always told me – “When you squeeze a grape, you don’t get wine. It’s got to be mashed around a bit first.”

Unfortunately, being mashed around a bit to me, isn’t a very pleasant process. When I had relationships fail, almost ended up living under a bridge and some of the other things happen I felt what I thought was complete despair. But, in doing some reading recently, I realized there is the word despondency that, while it may seem to be nothing more then semantics, can actually make a great difference in how I look at what is going on around and with me.

If I were to paint a picture of despair, I would select the darkest blues, blacks, purples, and black greens from my palette. I would cover every speck of my canvas in thick swirls of tormenting movement. There would be no highlights. If I were to paint despondency, it would be much the same, but the swirls would have tinted under-shadows and at some point on the canvas, I would make one lightning stroke of gold-white hope. But even this I would cover with a sheer filmy cloud, so that only the perceptive viewer would notice. Should I allow despondency to prevail, it could easily result in despair by a few strokes of the brush to erase hope. But should I wish to encourage the gold-white ray of hope to extend into the turmoil, I may need added skill to remove the cloud, or seek the guidance of an artist more knowledgeable of the medium.

In life we may need comparable means to turn despair into despondency and despondency into hope. Scriptures, history, and general observance of life show us examples of deep despondency approaching despair. There are so many examples of this, but I have chosen one from an ancient source – the Bhagavad-Gita. We meet a very powerful general by the name of Arjuna. As he is preparing for battle, he surveys the two armies getting ready to fight … he sees the families, relatives and close friends from both sides. He becomes puzzled, sad and gives into what seems to be the impossibility of fighting either side.

I am so familiar with Arjuna’s deep sadness becoming completely overwhelming in the opening chapter of the Bhagavad-Gita. Having suffered both despair and despondency, I understand his reaction of sitting down, putting away his arrows and bow, and stating he could not fight.

Despair, then, is a severe state of hopelessness, while despondency is depression that can be worked through. And the going through it is going to take faith, work and support.

Arjuna was so burdened it caused him near immobility. In this state he questions, argues, suffers, and finally begs Krishna to teach him and through eighteen chapters of the Bhagavad-Gita, Krishna responds. This lengthy discourse is in response to Arjuna’s request: “I wish to learn … the nature of abstaining from action and of the giving up of the results of action, and also the difference between these two.” The final wrap up covers the whole of the final chapter. But two statements stand out:

..O Arjuna, that which out of delusion, you do not wish to perform, you will do unavoidably … if rationalizing due to false ego, you resolve not to fight such a decision is only in vain, your own nature will compel you …

Finally Arjuna says: “… I am collected once more; I am free from doubt, firm, and will act.”

Each stage/moment of life requires changing and rearranging of the hues and shadows on our canvas of life, speaking in terms of what I wrote above. Life is worthwhile and worth living … and requires all the resources we have available. I actually had this quote on my mirror for quite awhile:

With the ultimate ever in mind, we must yet live for the day. . . . We have not to look ahead to future years with fear and dread, but to eliminate from our minds all those ideas that have taken root in our blood, which make us the progeny of doubt and fear…
— The Wine of Life

(these quotes thanks to Nodrin King
~ A Flat With A View)

Dreams can often become challenging but challenges are what we live for.
–Travis White

When you’ve got something to prove, there’s nothing greater than a challenge.
–Terry Bradshaw

Mountains cannot be surmounted except by winding paths.
–Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Accept the challenges so that you can fell the exhilaration of victory.
–George S.Patton

If someone says can’t, that shows you what to do.
–John Cage

To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist.
–Gail Sheehy

–painting “hopeless” by Billy Gong
–free from egg