SOMWPP (Part 2) ~ Late Night Thoughts

As I mentioned last night, a new member has joined the household. As tomorrow is going to be a very busy day, I am going to do a short post tonight, and make up for that tomorrow. And I PROMISE that the following not become a regular ~ “let me tell you about my dog…” posting. There is a lot going on in my life that I want to share ~ he just happens to be immediate (and somewhat demanding of attention! ~ not taking after me, of course!).

I would like you to meet “Bonzai” . . . the spelling is deliberate. He is 12 weeks old and about three pounds. His full weight will probably be a whopping four pounds (possibly dripping wet). When I went to meet him, we almost didn’t even go in – I’ll save that for a later post. When I went inside and finally met him, I realized that he had never been out of the “pen” (inside thank heavens) he shared with other dogs, never been on the floor, never been outside and never had a collar on. Oh yes, he was also covered with fleas, flea dirt and matted hair. The most interesting thing about him ~ he is litter box trained. If I get a cat that should be interesting!!

When we went to one of the pet superstores to pick up a “few” items he was going to need, I handed him over to get groomed. He did very well – but I can only imagine the confusion going on in his mind.

He was very good — and was on the inside of my “hoody” with the zipper about 1/2 way down. His head would appear over the top when interested, and disappear when it was all too much.

Having him is much the same as watching a child (I’m thinking of my granddaughter who is holding him in the picture) discover the world around them. He’s discovered that cement is very cold, somethings just don’t taste good at all and that it’s a big very LARGE world out there.

But then if you’ve been reading my posts about looking back to look forward … so have I.

SOMWPP ~ Late Eveing Thoughts

A new arrival joined my house collection this evening … hence the title of this post (**you will have to read through the post for the definition**)

I was given these sayings today and wanted to share them with you ~

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember . . .
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up
when I’m lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cat’s food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces
of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roil on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

“litter box crunchies” are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then
redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail in not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by
sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones,
or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it is raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and
dance all over the backyard with it.

(**SOMWPP ~ silly older man with pampered pooch**)

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer’s hand when
he reaches in for Dad’s driver’s license and car registration.

—more tomorrow

Meoarf! ~ Early Morning Humor ….

Diaries of a Dog and Cat

DOG

Day number 180
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

CAT

DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer”. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…