Dark Matter In Space And Life ~ Early Morning Thoughts

During the last three weeks, I have been dealing with something that has begun to really wear on me. There is someone that I have come to care/be concerned about very deeply that has made/is making choices that could possibly tear their life apart even more than it already is. This caused me to go back over a couple of posts that I did earlier about self-fulfilling prophecy and choices (I am a self-fulfilling prophecy and self-fulfilling anger).

Once again, there are quotes that laced those posts:

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

This person chose/chooses to believe that 1) things would always work against them, 2) that nothing could/would go their way and 3) anger is/was the only way to deal with the what was happening.

This is NOT saying that anger doesn’t have purpose and uses. When anger is held onto, nurtured and allowed to color everything, that it can override what is actually going on in life. Someone once compared our emotions to an investment. They can either pay dividends or they can be held onto until they become a liability causing a drain of all that can be healthy. And, unfortunately, holding on to that kind of anger hurts rather than helps. It can become not only foolish, but actually self-destructive.

Anger, someone once said, is valuable only as a short-term investment. It’s value sharply decreases the long it’s held onto. It also consumes a tremendous amount of energy – physical, emotional and spiritual.

However, here is where I’m standing at the moment. Exactly how can someone be told what the bitter anger, resentments and “persecution” is doing to them and to those around. How can you show someone – who can not see the examples around them – that things can and should be different.

—more on this tomorrow

–Blue Anger – http://www.jamiehulleyartsfund.org/art/blue.htm

There Was Calm Before The Storm ~ Early Morning Thoughts

In short ~ It doesn’t rain but it pours!

In longer:

Today was to be a delightful, warm and sunny day. A day of relaxing, regrouping, and building back up to face the week.

Tonight in the space of two hours ~ Three major events, one very personal, one personal and one involving two very dear friends rolled across the horizon and opened up and the “quality of mercy” didn’t drop as gentle rain – but in great big lumps!

I’m still dealing with two of the events, and I’ll explain them tomorrow. I can say, however, thank heavens I had the day …

Encouraging Valentine’s News ~ Update on Jesse

I have been praying/thinking about Jesse and Yen for some time now. As you have read in previous posts, they are two delightful people who truly live the love they profess. Where I first found them was their wonderful blog…Two Lucky People.

Jesse is suffering from a very aggressive form of melanoma and was undergoing a very toxic clinical trial. As I talked about just the other day that had to be stopped because Jesse’s body was unable to handle it. He was supposed to go home the other day, but because parts of his body seemed to be failing – his release was delayed.

I was so thrilled and relieved to read this post today…while not completely out of the woods (as much as someone suffering as he is can be), he is getting there.

I can’t be there – but I feel as if I share … and that’s a wonderful feeling!!!

Further News About Jesse ~

Sunday, I introduced you to Yen and Jesse – Jesse is fighting a very aggressive melanoma. Yen has posted an update on Two Lucky People. Before you go to it, here are a couple of sections, so that you know: (but please, read his entire post as well)

In the last 24 hours, Jesse’s condition has deteriorated. Although his blood work came back satisfactory, the disorientation from the drug has intensified, cheating him of present reality.

Boxed in a hospital room at New York-Presbyterian, he thinks we are in North Carolina, at an elaborate, colorful circus show. There are land-angry Indians knocking at the door. He is begging me for another dose of IL-2. “I don’t want to die,” he pleads with the doctor. Minutes later, he is tugging at his IV tubes, struggling to stand, asking to go home.

He is taking longer than usual to re-orientate because of the tumors in his liver. “His liver is in bad shape,” said Dr Kaufman. “It will take some time to metabolize all the bags we gave him. Let him sleep. We’ll keep him here for another night if we have to.”

I want no more tricks and fantasies, but the solid hearth of my lover’s chest, breathing into mine. I want sleep in its circadian comfort, days and nights that stay in their respective skies.

Maybe that will be tomorrow.

And again, the most impressive part of all this is the incredible love they have for each other — no matter what. Also impressive to me is Yen’s devotion and belief in Jesse’s love and the hope – no matter how dented, damaged – that allows him to continue to believe – far more than most people are capable of.

I hold my own mirror up – would I be able to do this? Could I do it? And would I be able to let others know what I believe?

And, in my own way – with my own faith, I’m standing saying: “No more! This is just not right…he needs to heal!”