It Was A Dark And Stormy Night ~

Posted on August 25, 2012 by xlntsx

My absolute favorite contest has just announced their 2012 winners!!!

That’s right, this years crop of entries to The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (Where “WWW” means “Wretched Writers Welcome” ) have been judged and found appropriately wanting.

For those who may not know, Bulwer-Lytton produced the lines:

“it was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness” as well as the infamous “unwashed masses”.

To say that his novels were turgid and overwritten would be an understatement.

Every year authors submit their worst possible (possibly) opening paragraphs – and winners in various categories are chosen.

Here are two of my favorites from this years crop:

“Professor Lemieux had anticipated that his latest paper would be received with skepticism within the small, fractious circle of professional cosmologists, few of whom were prepared to accept his hypothesis that our universe had been created in a marijuana-induced industrial accident by insectoid aliens; nevertheless, he was stung when Hawking airily dismissed it as the Bug Bong Theory. — Alan Follett, Hercules, CA”

Closely followed by:
“They still talk about that fateful afternoon in Abilene, when Dancing Dan DuPre moonwalked through the doors of Fat Suzy’s saloon, made a passable reverse-turn, pirouetted twice followed by a double box-step, somersaulted onto the bar, drew his twin silver-plated Colt-45s and put twelve bullets through the eyes of the McLuskey sextuplets, on account of them varmints burning down his ranch and lynching his prize steer. — Ted Downes, Cardiff, U.K.”

To read all the winners past and present (and perhaps enter yourself) – here’s the link

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2012win.html

I Know ~

Posted on June 3, 2012 by xlntsx

I said I was going to take a ramble through incivility, etc. It seems that every time I decide to do so, something either gets in the way or something new (who knew?) causes me to re-think some of what I’ve been thinking.

In the meantime, have the kids been pestering your for a vacation to Disneyland this summer? I did the Disney World experience two summers ago – and at times I’m still recovering. Here’s a simple solution – 30,000 photos taken over the course of a year. Sit the little (or not so little) ones down in front of a big screen and show them this video. They’ll experience it all – minus the long lines, long waits and heat …. Problem solved!!

ACK ~ Sometime In The Evening Thoughts

Posted on July 21, 2009 by xlntsx

I’m sorry ~ I know I said that I’d be back with more of the Shakespeare Experiment on Sunday . . . let’s just say it will be tomorrow before I have a chance to sit and write …

In the meantime …. how about some humor (humour) to pass the time???

Do you think this might catch on??

And this should keep people busy for a bit ….(I am not responsible for broken keyboards …. I’m just saying … )

Without comment ….

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY # 233 !!!

Posted on July 4, 2009 by xlntsx

It’s the time for serious thought, heavy reflection and … who am I kidding?

It’s time for a few good laughs …

Suppose Twitter had been available 233 years ago??? (click on picture to enlarge)

(that was from historicaltweets.com)

And let’s not forget the e-cards just waiting to be sent (to everyone we know!)

And when all else fails …. Cue the Muppets!!!

Have a wonderful day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blame It All On The Internet(s) ~ Early AFternoon Thoughts

Posted on July 3, 2009 by xlntsx

Sorry, I’ve been away for a bit ~ that will change very soon. However, this little jewel from College Humor was too good to pass up . . .

http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1913584&fullscreen=1

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

It’s All In The Drink ~ early afternoon thoughts

Posted on June 13, 2009 by xlntsx

It all makes sense now,

Subject: Derivative markets, an understandable explanation

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit . In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers – most of whom are unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Heidi’s drink now pay later marketing strategy and as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar and soon she has the largest sale volume for any bar in Detroit .

By providing her customers’ freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS.

These securities are then traded on security markets worldwide. Naive investors don’t really understand the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, their prices continuously climb, and the securities
become the top-selling items for some of the nation’s leading brokerage houses.

One day, although the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the bank (subsequently fired due his negativity), decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi’s. Heidi demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Therefore, Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

DRINKBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by 90 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The decreased bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans.

The suppliers of Heidi’s bar, having granted her generous payment extensions and having invested in the securities are faced with writing off her debt and losing over 80% on her bonds. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 50 workers.

The bank and brokerage houses are saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock negotiations by leaders from both political parties. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by a tax levied on employed middle-class non-drinkers.

Finally an explanation I understand …..

Words, Words, Words ~ Late Eveing Thoughts

Posted on February 20, 2009 by xlntsx

This is a two-part post tonight . . .

First, Good Ol’ Oxford University has complied a list of the 10 MOST irritating expressions . . .

The phrases appear in a book called Damp Squid, named after the mistake of confusing a squid with a squib, a type of firework.

The researchers who compiled the list monitor the use of phrases in a database called the Oxford University Corpus, which comprises books, papers, magazines, broadcast, the Internet and other sources.

The database alerts them to new words and phrases and can tell them which expressions are disappearing. It also shows how words are being misused.

As well as the above expressions, the book’s author Jeremy Butterfield says that many annoyingly over-used expressions actually began as office lingo, such as 24/7 and “synergy”.

Other phrases to irritate people are “literally” and “ironically”, when they are used out of context.

Mr Butterfield said: “We grow tired of anything that is repeated too often – an anecdote, a joke, a mannerism – and the same seems to happen with some language.”

Here is the list ~ I’m sure there are others we all would like to see added –

The top ten most irritating phrases:

1 – At the end of the day (a phrase I have come to detest!)

2 – Fairly unique (is this similar to being somewhat pregnant?)

3 – I personally

4 – At this moment in time (a bad song title as well)

5 – With all due respect (usually followed by something showing NO respect)

6 – Absolutely

7 – It’s a nightmare

8 – Shouldn’t of (instead of shouldn’t have ~ my Mother would be so proud!!)

9 – 24/7

10 – It’s not rocket science

The American Dialect Society ~ Word Of The Year

Their press release says it best:

Word of the Year is interpreted in its broader sense as “vocabulary item”—not just words but
phrases. The words or phrases do not have to be brand-new, but they have to be newly prominent or notable in the past year, in the manner of Time magazine’s Person of the Year.

The vote is the longest-running such vote anywhere, the only one not tied to commercial interests, and the word-of-the-year event up to which all others lead. It is fully informed by the members’ expertise in the study of words, but it is far from a solemn occasion. Members in the 119-year-old organization include linguists, lexicographers, etymologists, grammarians, historians, researchers, writers, authors, editors, professors, university students, and independent scholars.

In conducting the vote, they act in fun and do not pretend to be officially inducting words into the English language. Instead they are highlighting that language change is normal, ongoing, and entertaining.

2007 Word of the Year,
subprime, an adjective used to describe a risky or less than ideal loan, mortgage, or investment.
Most Useful: green- prefix/compounding form, designates environmental concern, as in greenwashing.
Most Creative: googlegänger, a person with your name who shows up when you google yourself.
Most Unnecessary: Happy Kwanhanamas! [Kwanza + Hanukka + Christmas] Happy holidays!
Most Outrageous: toe-tapper, A homosexual. Senator Larry Craig was arrested in June for an encounter in a public restroom in which toe-tapping was said to have been used as a sexual come on.
Most Euphemistic: human terrain team, a group of social scientists employed by the US military to serve as cultural advisers in Iraq or Afghanistan.
Most Likely to Succeed: green- prefix/compounding form, designates environmental concern, as in greenwashing.
Least Likely to Succeed: strand-in, protest duplicating being stranded inside an airplane on a delayed flight.
New Category, Real Estate Words: subprime, used to describe a risky or poorly documented loan or mortgage.

These are the words for 2007, I will be posting 2008 soon . . . .

Show me – from My Fair Lady

Freddy
Speak and the world is full of singing,
And I’m winging Higher than the birds.
Touch and my heart begins to crumble,
The heaven’s tumble, Darling, and I’m…

Eliza
Words!
Words! Words! I’m so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?
Don’t talk of stars Burning above; If you’re in love,
Show me! Tell me no dreams
Filled with desire. If you’re on fire,
Show me! Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don’t talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who’s ever been in love’ll tell you that
This is no time for a chat! Haven’t your lips
Longed for my touch? Don’t say how much,
Show me! Show me! Don’t talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!
Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don’t waste my time, Show me!
Don’t talk of June, Don’t talk of fall!
Don’t talk at all! Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn’t one I haven’t heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Say one more word and I’ll scream!
Haven’t your arms Hungered for mine?
Please don’t “expl’ine,” Show me! Show me!
Don’t wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!

A Moving Tale (2) ~ Early Afternoon Thoughts

Posted on February 16, 2009 by xlntsx

Previous post about moving –>here<– I got the keys to see the apartment, and upon entering ~ I actually loved it. There was a much larger living room, an actual hallway to the bedroom (Le Mutt would enjoy the running room) and, of course, the washer/dryer connections off the kitchen . . . just right to clean and cook, right? The patio was larger and only needed some weedkiller for the forest primeval that was attempting to grow there. All seemed to be well and what I was looking for in living space.

Now came the difficult part, actually making the decision to move. I weighed all the options, made innumerable lists comparing the pros and cons . . . and finally decided that I would once again move. Again, it was only 150 yards down the way. . . and down a short flight of stairs into the apartment or down cement steps OR a slight grassy incline into the porch. Shouldn’t be much of a problem.

I had decided that there was no way I was going to pack and move myself. Somewhere I felt there was one of the moving companies that would pack, move and unpack. That was a correct assumption, but you would have thought I was moving into the White House based on the conversations and prices I was quoted. I was stunned to find out what the charges would be just to MOVE things that were already packed. So now I was faced with doing it on my own ~ so to speak. While I was contemplating this turn of events, I got into a discussion with my daughter. My son-in-law, in order to add extra money into their personal stimulus plan had been doing a number of “side-jobs” on the weekends. I decided that I would hire them for the move. . . and pay them quite well for it.

This proved to be one of the best decisions about the move I could have made. I decided on moving the last week of December. The move would occur the 24th of January. My neighbors were planning to make their move to a different complex the same weekend, so we would be able to share/commiserate during the ordeal of boxes and dumping and hauling and sorting.

During the week of the move the weather reports were quite typical for Houston. . . in other words, no one really knew WHAT the weather was going to be like during the weekend. Of course, there is always the chance of rain or storms ~ but nothing such as that seemed to be on any one’s mind. The day of the move was actually quite cool, overcast, light wind and some rain was forecast at some point during the day. My daughter, Son-in-law and the 2 grand kids showed up ready to begin the day . . . I was actually ready to begin it myself. Very shortly. however, I was ~~banished~~ sent to the new apartment to oversee the arrivals and to place and unpack them as well.

What my Son-in-law has done was hire four men that work on his construction sites to come and do the lifting, hauling and placing. This meant that he could arrange, box and get things finalized (with the rest of his families help) and they would simply “hoof” it over to me. Talk about an incredible time-saver and energy saver! Very shortly furniture, boxes, tables, beds and all the etc. began to arrive to be placed and/or unpacked. What the moving companies had told me would take two days (!?!) was accomplished in a few hours.

The best moment of the entire move was the arrival of Bonzai (who had been in his large crate the entire time to prevent him from trying to help/hinder the move!) I’m old(er) enough to remember the spectacle of Elizabeth Taylor’s entrance into Rome in the movie Cleopatra. The dog arrived much as she did – with one guy on each of the corners of the crate. They carried him through the complex and down into his new kingdom. We were all laughing but I can report that he was “not amused.”

He was even less amused when Daughter, Son-in-Law and grand kids all went to dinner and left him behind.

So now I had moved into my new space without too much difficulty (only one slight damage to a piece of furniture) and I was awaiting the quick connection of the phone, Internet and TV.

—that ordeal will follow . . . and it was an ordeal!

A Moving Tale ~ Early Afternoon Thoughts

Posted on February 9, 2009 by xlntsx

Le Mutt (officially called Bonzai – because the first day he was around, he had the startling habit of throwing himself off furniture ) and I were quite comfortable in my apartment. While not an enormous space, it was comfortable and had a view of the Bayou unmatched except at the very expensive restaurant down the road. As a two bedroom I had visions of turning the second bedroom into an office/craft room. In actuality, it consisted of piled boxes and “stuff” – with the computer tucked into a corner of clear space.

The apartment laundromat was a matter of steps from my apartment, and when the machines were working was quite convenient.

At least that is what everyone told me . . .

in actuality, they are never convenient.

Having the quarters,
loading the laundry,
carrying the laundry,
washing the laundry,
getting more quarters,
drying the laundry,
folding/hanging the laundry,
carrying the laundry (now occupying much more space)
and
putting the laundry away.
(rinse and repeat theme song here)

And, of course, with any apartment dwelling there are neighbors. I was fortunate in that mine were nice and except for the ones above me, relatively quiet. On my side of the building ~ next to me was a couple who were in residence only during the week. On weekends they went to their ranch to play with their cows and horses ~ nice job if you can get it!! Upstairs from them were a delightful couple with a five year old son that was going to be a stand-up comedian someday and a new baby. They were wonderful neighbors, and when I had my first knee operation actually showed up at my door during the recovery to find out if I needed anything and to check that I was OK.

The neighbors directly above me were . . . well . . . quite interesting and unusual. Aside from some strange activities and loud noises from above ~ there was the day (a beautiful Saturday afternoon as a matter of fact) they made rather passionate love (cue bad movie porn sound track here)~ with their windows open. Ah, the sounds of nature. There were a number of people out on the area in front of my apartment which had some BBQ pits and benches . . . they were as ~~fascinated~~ stunned as I was. Even Bonzai was stunned into silence and immobility.

But as I said, Le Mutt and I were quite comfortable where we were and not planning to move anytime soon. (cue ominous sounds here) I really didn’t want to go through the hassle of packing, unpacking and transferring everything into a new apartment. Besides, mine was quite convenient and I was settled into the space. Albeit a somewhat cluttered space, but MY space none-the-less.

The 1st week of January, the people next to me told me they were planning to move ~ something closer to their jobs. We chatted about options, and then they told me that the BC building in the complex had a 2 bedroom/2 bath available. THAT conversation was what set all this in motion.

When the complex was built ~ there was a supper club right in the middle. It had the charming name of “Barbary Coast.” From what I understand, it didn’t take the owner very long to realize that he really didn’t want to be in the restaurant business . . . running a large complex was quite enough. After several years, the building was revamped/redesigned with ten individual apartments. Because of the lay-out of the building, no apartments had the same floor plans and each had washer/drying connections. Because of the type of building it is, and the larger apartments along with the connections, demand is rather high for them. As a matter of fact, when one becomes vacant, the complex doesn’t even advertise them – current tenants rent them in a matter of days.

So, off I went to the office to ask about the apartment and to get the keys to see it. The apartment itself was about 150 yards from where I was, so moving wouldn’t be a major ordeal. Or so I thought . . .

–more to come