But The Map Says ~ Afternoon Laughter

There have been several stories recently about people who take their GPS directions ahead of common sense. The latest I read was about someone who drove into a canal, simply because the direction finder said “turn left, now.” However, I have always believed that Google maps are accurate.

It appears they are a little too accurate. Someone was wondering what would happen if you planned a trip from Chicago to London.

Part of the resulting itinerary shows that Google not only has a sense of humor but is either very interested in physical fitness, or only wants Olympic swimmers to use their directions.

To prove to all the doubters that this is real … Here is the link to the actual itinerary. (Just make sure to print the directions on waterproof paper!)

An Afternoon Case Of WHAT??? ~

As I was digging around today (OK, surfing around) two absolutely amazing little pieces of news caught my eye … the first an invasion, the second a complete lack of …. well, you decide what is lacking…..

Imagine reading this on a headline service this morning: (or being a news “puller”)

Yes, it’s a screen shot of an actual posted headline. However, before anyone feels that they need to start looking for some kind of shelter – the truth is quite amusing – and far more mundane.

Once upon a time, there was a training exercise … and a few soldiers got lost in the process.

The second story caused some clean-up of my monitor and keyboard from the coffee spilled (OK, spewed) on them as a result of this little tale.

Remember awhile ago when Boston was shut down over a publicity campaign? I thought you might. If you remember, the offending hardware that caused so much Police panic were a Light-Brites cast around for people to find and (if you ever watch Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim) recognize.

It seems that today** Wednesday, the City of Boston placed traffic counters around. You know, those identifable boxes attached by chain to a pole with a small cable running across the road that counts the cars as they drive over it.

I’ll let Wonkette tell the tale:

Well, the brave anti-terrorism officials of Boston most certainly do not know of these common devices — so they shut down the city today, again, and blew up the traffic counter. You know, the traffic counter the City of Boston was paying for ….

(Article and picture here)

Now that I have cleaned up the keyboard and monitor – I can go back to feeling safer in knowing that any car I ride in Boston is going to go uncounted.

Why do people make up news, when there’s so much really interesting (insert any other word here) true news to look at?

**edited correction of date

Late News And An Even Later Joke ~

Yesterday afternoon my cable and internet connection decided they deserved a vacation — this, of course, without arranging for any kind of vacation coverage or even the courtesy of letting anyone know they were going. It caused a number of problems, but thankfully management took the situation in hand – and made it worse then it was before. So, the lower levels revolted and solved the problem. And, now my connection is back and running —

It doesn’t hurt to take a good hard look at yourself from time
to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

Check Those Bills ~

I can only begin to imagine the shock:

Perhaps his $24 billion electric bill will teach Richard Redden not to leave the heat running. Thanks to a printing error, Redden and more than 1,300 Weatherford utility customers this week received billion-dollar electric bills marked as late notices.

Irving-based DataProse, which prints customer bills for Weatherford Electric, said the company was embarrassed by the error.

“Obviously, this is not something we are pleased about,” said Curtis Nelson, DataProse vice president and general manager.

Weatherford Electric spokeswoman Pam Pearson said customers can expect their correct bills later this month. She said the company’s records were correct and showed the right balances.

“I know they raised the rates on kilowatt hours a little bit,” Redden said. “I guess we shouldn’t have run the heater quite so much this month.”

As they say – things are bigger in Texas!!!

Blogging Is Better Then ~

A number of years ago (in a galaxy far away) a dessert called “better than sex” became very, very popular. Of course, that lead to so many things being called better then sex.

Yesterday I ran across this delightful post by Engtech and I laughed and chuckled for quite some time (even at the party last night I was still chuckling about it).

5 Reasons Why Blogging Is Better Than Sex (With Me)
(Please don’t call the SPCA)

1. Reason number one

  • Blogging: I can connect anonymously with thousands of strangers a day.
  • Sex: I can connect anonymously with thousands of strangers a day *IF* I move to New York City.

2. Reason number two

  • Blogging: Technorati will show all the people who are linked to me and it doesn’t make me look like a big slut.
  • Sex: Six degrees of Paris Hilton. (as one of his comments said: that’s enough to make me celibate)

3 Reason number three

  • Blogging: I can get the cat involved without the horribly judging eyes of friends and strangers.
  • Sex: Fur is hard to clean

4. Reason number four

  • Blogging: Increased visibility means more page views and a larger audience.
  • Sex: Increased visibility means someone is going to call the cops

5. Reason number five

  • Blogging: Googlebot will crawl your pages quite often and share them with the world.
  • Sex: Googlebot never calls you back.

Darwin Awards (2) ~ Early Morning Thoughts

After all that had gone on with and around me in the last few days, I felt that a good laugh/chuckle was in order for a Monday morning – especially if you are one of the ones that does not have today off …

As I mentioned previously there are several lists that I enjoy each year. The Darwin Awards is one of my favorites. I’m continually amazed at what people continually do to themselves and others. Here are some of this years nominees. Here are a couple of entries for the 2007 awards. Some have been reprinted exactly as they were sent to the committee.

A demise by train is almost too common for Darwin Award merit. Yet, some people still forget the three most important rules about trains:

1) Trains cannot be stopped easily. 2) Trains cannot swerve.
3) And most important –
in any confrontation with a train,
the train will always win.

Forgetting these rules, an unnamed 20-year old man was walking down the railroad tracks in Comstock Township (near Kalamazoo) Michigan. This in of itself in not even close to Darwin stupidity. Trains are loud and noisy and usually announce their approach from quite a distance, allowing anyone in their path ample time to clear out of the way. However, our Darwin contender decided to up the odds in the trains favor by wearing a pair of headphones with the music turned up quite loud (louder than the train horn apparently). It wasn’t mentioned what song he was listening to, but I’m guessing it was “Don’t Look Back” by Boston. Not looking back sealed his fate. Despite three or four loud blasts of the horn by the train engineer, our unnamed Darwin contender kept strolling along between the rails in musical bliss until being removed from the gene pool courtesy of Amtrak.

Here’s another attempts at removing genes from the pool:

I used to ride a scrambler motorcycle in my younger days. Mine was a 250-c.c. Kawasaki KL ‘Off-Road’ bike. These machines have very small gas tanks, probably no more than about 3 gallons. As South Africa uses ‘Self-Service’ gas stations, we fill our own gas tanks. It is common practice with bikers to simply straddle a scrambler whilst refueling, place the nozzle in the tank and watch to see when the tank is nearly full as these machines lack a fuel gauge.

Now, when standing up and straddling said scrambler, the tank nestles nicely in the groin area. This day, I was not paying attention while refueling and the tank overflowed. “Oops!” I said as I quickly released the handle of the pump. Too late.

Quite a bit of gas had spilled down the side of the tank onto the forecourt and quite a lot had also run down the front of the tank and soaked my groin area. This was no big deal as I was wearing jeans. I duly replaced the fuel nozzle in the holder and THEN it hit me.

Gasoline on your hands is almost imperceptible other than a cold feeling. In the groin area, it is like rubbing “Deep Heat” on yourself. Fortunately, I had managed to replace the motorcycle’s gas tank cap BEFORE I dropped the bike, did a sideways leap off the saddle and proceeded to rip off my jeans in full view of quite a few bemused onlookers. Once the jeans were around my ankles, I discovered I couldn’t move very well and fell over as I struggled with my gas-soaked underwear, trying to get them away from my very tender skin.

Public indecency laws aside, I tore at my underwear, managed to rip them off and covered myself with my hands. There I sat, waiting for the gas on my jeans to evaporate sufficiently so I could pull up my jeans. It was EXTREMELY painful. My gene ‘repository compartment’ was red-raw, my ‘extension’ to release said genes was equally burnt and the tops of my legs looked like I had ridden a horse bareback and naked for three days.

By now, the forecourt was thronged with very interested onlookers. The interesting thing is; no-one came to my aid! In true ‘biker’ style, I nonchalantly walked back to my motorcycle, kicked it into action and then VERY slowly so as not to lose any ‘cool’, I drove off, gritting my teeth against the searing pain.

Future fueling sessions were performed with a large towel between my anatomy and the motorcycle’s tank. For those who are interested, the gas station in question was the last one at the top of the hill in Hillbrow, Johannesburg, just before the road winds down the hill towards the Ponte apartment complex. I suffered no lasting effects and the redness vanished in a few days.

GRAND RAPIDS, MI — Power was restored to 6,500 people on the southeast side of Grand Rapids after a man nailed a sign on a utility pole and pierced the casing that holds a cable for overhead distribution lines.

The pole, located on the northeast corner of Breton and 28th Street SE, affected the entire Breton substation. There is a protective case around the cable, but the nail pierced it, making contact with 7,200 volts.

The impact started some of the pole on fire, knocked out power to 6,500 customers, and sent a current through the man trying to hang the sign. Witnesses stated that there was smoke coming from his head.

A cashier at the Shell gas station at that corner called 911. The manager ran out and used a fire extinguisher to cool the man down. The victim was taken to a hospital, and it appears he will be fine. The power company was able to restore power to everyone affected around 9:20 a.m..

The company that owns the utility pole, one of 1.5 million it owns across the state, recommend you not post signs on their poles.

My husband worked in 1995 for a farmer from Germany. Franz on Gilkey road in Crabtree OR.

Franz believed that electricity is like a cow. The raw material goes in the mouth and good electricity exited out the tail and left over energy was waste the cow pooped out, i.e. the 3 wires you see in your house black (hot),white (Hot) and green (cold for waste energy). Deryl worked for Franz from August 1995 until this event in around the end of November 1995. A windstorm blew through and took out the electricity for the area. Franz had Deryl hook up a generator. When the electricity came back on the Generator had to be taken off line. Remember, this is a full size dairy, with large leads into the circuit box.

Franz was a cheap man, and had the circuit box 2 times smaller than required. He never kept master plans for the property, so no one really knew where the wiring or the plumbing went, everything had been committed to his memory…

Franz convinced my husband to reconnect the dairy, he would not spend $60.00 to have the main breaker pulled at the pole, so everything in the small box was hot. Deryl put on long rubber gloves, and taped up his wrench. Franz never wore socks so his leather slip on shoes were wet with cow urine and feces, Humidity in Oregon was high (87% or greater), so there was a lot of moisture and cow urine,feces everywhere at the dairy. Franz stood 10 feet back in a shirt and rolled up pants, while my husband wore long sleeves and welding clothes. Deryl got half way through pulling the leads off of there protective poles, 2 off and 2 on.

Suddenly, the poles arced and the lid to the box instantly vaporized. Both men flew backwards, and fortunately, for once, Franz learned that the cow can butt. I met my husband at the door that night to see a man with no face hair, smoking, and a good portion or his chest hair gone. I never saw Franz after this event, but I can imagine. He had less protection. The power company was called the next day and they put things right. Franz never had children, nor should he, thank goodness.

An unidentified man in Xuzhou, China, learned the hard way that it pays to use a bathroom when you have to go. Our hero broke into a power supply office with the help of a partner to relieve it of some spare electrical equipment. However before leaving the premises Mother Nature called, and our hero obediently responded. Without a commode handy, and being in an office that he had just robbed, he decided to simply relieve himself where he stood. Unfortunately he ended up urinating on a fully functional electrical supply switch, resulting in an electric shock and a hasty trip to the hospital.

During a party in Budapest, Hungary, on the 26th, November, 2006, a 26 years old man put the hose of a fire extinguisher into his mouth, and fired the device. While he did this presumably for fun, the outcome proved to be fatal, as he was instantly killed from injuries caused by the pressure, which is up to 14 times of the normal atmospheric pressure.

A 63 year old man in East Germany (Zingst)electrocuted himself when running high-voltage lines (380V) through his yard in an effort to get rid of a mole on his vacation property. Apparently he put several metal rods into the ground and connected these to high-voltage lines. The police had to remove all circuit breakers before they could get on his property. They do not know yet how long he had been lying there before they found him on Wednesday. No word about what happened to the mole.

further nominations later ..

Through The Eyes Of … ~ An Extensive Time-Waster

There is an old(er) saying: At closing time in a bar – everyone is gorgeous. Ah, if that were only true…Much like the lie on a t-shirt I want that says: “drink ’till I’m cute.”

Leave to science to work out exactly how this transformation works!!!!!

Would I make this up????

Researchers at Manchester University worked out a formula to calculate how “beer goggles” affect your vision. Apparently there are more factors than just the open bar from 10-12. Additional factors include the level of light, your own eyesight, the room’s smokiness, as well as the distance between you and your future regret.

Here’s the formula, and just think how cool you’ll look with your calculator at happy hour. (I dare you to bring a slide rule as well!!! )

  • An = number of units of alcohol consumed
  • S = smokiness of the room (graded from 0-10, where 0 clear air; 10 extremely smoky)
  • L = luminance of ‘person of interest’ (candelas per square metre; typically 1 pitch black; 150 as seen in normal room lighting)
  • Vo = Snellen visual acuity (6/6 normal; 6/12 just meets driving standard)
  • d = distance from ‘person of interest’ (metres; 0.5 to 3 metres)

And what does it all mean?
(Oh and since it uses meters – It will need to be translated!).

A formula rating of less than one means no effect.

Between one and 50 the person you would normally find unattractive appears less “visually offensive”. (Visually offensive? There’s a t-shirt in the making!!)

Non-appealing people become suddenly attractive between 51 and 100.

At more than 100, someone not considered attractive looks like a supermodel.

Let me know those scores — Inquiring Minds Want To Know!!!

Yes ~ At White Castle ~ Mid-Day Chuckle

I ran across this item on Consumerist website – and decided that the article was worth quoting in full:

Are you broke? Or cheap? Or weird? Or…do you really like White Castle? From their website:
(WD’s note: The website allows you to check which White Castle is close to you!!)

Make your Valentine’s day STEAMY! Take your Valentine to White Castle on Wednesday, February 14 between 5 and 8 p.m. and enjoy hostess seating, candlelit dining and your own server. Reservations are required, so check the list below for participating Castles near you!

Special this year, you can also treat your honey to a romantic White Castle dinner in your home! Cupid’s Crave Kits include eight cheeseburgers, one sack of fries, two regular soft drinks, coupons and keepsake items to heat up your homespun romance. Now, ain’t that sweet?


Just think of the possibilities this opens up for other markets! Tell me what you would consider an off-shoot of this marketing idea??

Disclosure: The picture is NOT from their website – I just couldn’t resist!!

But I Did Wash – I Promise!!

We all were told to wash up – before dinner, before going out and especially after using the bathroom. Of course, we all promised that we did…even if we didn’t! However, someone with a lot more time on their hands did a survey and found out that even though 92% said they washed their hands after using the bathroom 34% were lying. (and I thought the government was spying on other things!!!) So, the JWT agency in Toronto decided to come up with a more direct campaign to encourage ablutions of the right sort.

I’m not sure how effective it will be, but it would be interesting to see people’s reactions on turning the knob!!

picture from Houtlist covering non-profit advertising campaigns –