Category Archives: money

Found Buried In The Paper ~

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You know how newspapers sometimes have very interesting items buried in the depths? Here’s a couple of interesting articles I ran across on the web, that I could imagine finding where I least expected.

Successful Politician
(or someone with a grasp of “make-em love me” theory)

Germany’s RPR1 radio station received some 12,000 answers to its question “What would you do for 100,000 euros?” But it was Marko Hilgert’s answer that stuck out from the rest: Throw it out the window.

“”It was just a crazy idea,” Hilgert said. “I never thought I’d actually win.”

But enough listeners liked the idea and voted for him, and probably for their own chances at collecting some of cash as well, the radio station said.

The 49-year-old trailer truck driver had the chance to make the dreams of free money come true in the western German city of Kaiserslautern, when he climbed into a bucket truck and showered the town’s square with 75,000 euros ($97,222.97) in 5-euro bills over the course of several hours.
He’ll be keeping the remaining 25,000($32,407.53) euros to pay off part of his mortgage.

The Next President Will Protect Us From Mind-control Weapons
( an “all your base are belong to us”** press release)

U.S. Representative Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) is a well-known “congressional irregular” and 2008 presidential candidate. In 2001, he proposed legislation to ban space weapons. Such bills are regularly floated and shot down in Congress. However, Kucinich’s bill was slightly different. He added a special section aimed at those of his ..uh.. irregular(?) constituents perhaps receiving radio transmission in their fillings:

(2)(A) The terms `weapon’ and `weapons system’ mean a device capable of any of the following:

(ii) Inflicting death or injury on, or damaging or destroying, a person (or the biological life, bodily health, mental health, or physical and economic well-being of a person)–

(II) through the use of land-based, sea-based, or space-based systems using radiation, electromagnetic, psychotronic, sonic, laser, or other energies directed at individual persons or targeted populations for the purpose of information war, mood management, or mind control of such persons or populations…

Please remember to vote Kucinich for president.
This message was brought to you by the Mind Control Division via psychotroic means

**from the opening cut scene of the English version of the 1989 Japanese video game Zero Wing by Toaplan…it quickly became part of the language of gamers and non-gamers alike.

both stories from abelard.org

But They Said ~

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Each year an editor of a major news magazine offers “quotes” about various topics. Here are the most recent.

Here are my fantasies about what was said over the New Year’s holiday, with inadequate acknowledgments to various contributors, some of whose words I’ve adapted a bit:

Democrats on the Republican congressional defeat: “Just remember it is lonely at the top when there is no one at the bottom.”

The press’s attitude toward President George Bush: “People say satire is dead. It is not dead; it is alive and living in the White House.”

The public’s contempt for corruption in politics: “Politics are so corrupt even the dishonest people get screwed.”

The press on the new Congress: “You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.”

The Democrats on their contempt for the Republican health plan: “Just say no to sickness.”

A politician‘s assessment of TV commentary: “TV is the goose that lays the golden eggs. You can’t blame it for not producing caviar.”

The public’s skepticism about bipartisanship: “The word bipartisan in politics usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.”

The public on politics in general: “Look up the word politics in the dictionary. It is the combination of two words: poli, which means many, and tics, which means bloodsuckers.“

The Republicans on Democratic suburban liberals: “It is easy to be politically correct and liberal when you live in a gated community.”

The press on the political attitudes of the different parties: “A Democrat sees the glass of water half full; a Republican looks at the same glass and wonders who the hell drank his glass of water.“

The press on the press: “Asking a journalist what he thinks about a politician is like asking a dog what he thinks about a lamppost.”

George Bush on his ambitions for transforming the world: “I would love to change the world, but I can’t find a big enough diaper.”

An economist on the disparity of incomes and the flow of income to higher income brackets: “A fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place.”

On Christmas gifts: “I have all these people to give Christmas gifts to, and you know what I find? There are some very nice things at the 99-cent store.”

On personal finance: “I went to the bank and went over my savings. I found out I have all the money I will ever need if I die tomorrow.” “At the ATM, they ask if you would like to conduct your business in English or Spanish. I suggest you try Spanish because your account balance would look much better in pesos.” And “Money can’t find happiness, but it helps you look for it in more places; and what’s the use of happiness if it can’t buy you money?”

Ministers on their support of birth control: “Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”

A minister’s view of evolution: “I don’t understand evolution. If we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? Why couldn’t they make it over the hump?”

The public on the age of technology: “I shop at a computer store called ‘Your Crap Is Already Obsolete.'”

The public on cynicism about the police: “We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police.” And a recent police study found that “you are much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.”

Advice on life: “The definition of old is always 15 years from now.” “You know you are getting old when you walk at the cemetery and two guys run after you with a shovel.”

Middle age: “when your age is starting to show around the middle.”

On dating: “Men always say the most important thing in a woman is her sense of humor. Do you know what that means? They are looking for someone to laugh at their jokes.”

On life: “People who live in glass houses might as well answer the door.”

On the work ethic: “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.”

from Mortimer B. Zuckerman, editor-in-chief, U. S. News and World Report (January 8th issue)