Category Archives: words

Out Of The Pun, Into The Fire ~ Early Evening Thoughts

Posted on by
1

(update 8-19-2007) I received a delightful e-mail giving me authorship information on the 2003 winner Gary Roma of http://www.ironfrog.com/. He will be publishing a book soon of his stories, including Love Letters. Thanks Gary for bringing me up to speed.
—-

Each year, in Austin TX. there is an O.Henry “pun-off” where contestants compete to win the best of that years puns. While this years winners have yet to be punsted posted I did find some rather delightful puns and stories from previous years.

I posted some winners of the actual contest before, but these were voted on by the Save The Pun Foundation members as best stressed puns.

from Best Stressed Puns of 2004.

Ascent..An aroma.
Brisket..To speed something up.
Castrate..To evaluate all the actors in a movie or play.
Dollop..To dress up attractively.
Exposed..A retired model.
Forthcoming..Three visits weren’t enough.
Germination..The birthplace of Beethoven.
Hi-fidelity..A devoted couple.
Institute..A spontaneous session of wind and brass instruments.
Logarithm..Tapping out the beat of a tune on a tree trunk.

From 2003: Love Letters by Gary Roma – see updated version —>HERE<—

Words are just lucky letters. How do letters get lucky? They go to bars. Let’s listen:

A consonant goes into a bar and sits down next to a vowel.
“Hi!” he says, “Have you ever been here before?”
“Of cursive,” she replies, “I come here, like, all the time”
He can tell from her accent (which is kind acute) that she is a Vowelly Girl. He looks her over. She’s short and has a nice assonance.
She sure is a cipher sore I’s, thinks this consonantal dude. He remains stationery, enveloped by her charm. “And what an uppercase!” His initial reaction is so pronounced, he doesn’t know what to say. He is, at present, tense. Admiring her figure of speech, he falls into a fantasy.
He pictures a perfect wedding: They exchange wedding vowels.
The minister says, “I now pronouns you man and wife.”
They kiss each other on the ellipsis. “I love you, noun forever,” he whispers. The conjugation is in tiers. In a word, they are wed.
He awakens from his daydream and proposes a dance, but she declines.
Ferment there, she looks like she’s going to bee [sic].
“Gee, are you okay?” he asks her.
“I’m, like, under a lot of stress … I’ve got a yeast inflection.”
“I knew something was brewing.”
He calls the bartender. “Listen, bud, my beer is warm.”
The bartender takes the bottle and empties it in the sink.
The dude watches as his hops go down the drain.
“Let’s go outside,” he says to her. “I’d like to have a word with you.”
“Are you prepositioning me?”
“I won’t be indirect. You are the object of my preposition.”
“Oh my God, you’re, like, such a boldfaced character!”
“I see your point. But I’m font of you. C’mon let’s go.”
“Do I have to spell it out? You’re not my type, so get off my case.
Reluctantly, he decides to letter B. “Now my evening lies in runes,” he laments. He leaves, hoping to have letter luck next time.

And last (but not least) from 2001:

The Peter Pan club? Never. Never.

The quarterback club? I’ll pass.

The compulsive rhymers club? Okey‑dokey.

The Spanish optometrists club? Si.

The pregnancy club? That’s conceivable.

The Self‑Esteem Builders club? They probably won’t accept me.

The Agoraphobics Society? Only if they meet at my house.

Once A Pun A Time ~ Early Morning Thoughts

Posted on by
Reply

On May 19th, Austin, TX will play host to an annual event of non-earthshaking proportions.

THE O. HENRY PUN-OFF:
AUSTIN’S THIRTY LITTLE SECRET

A little history is in order – starting with the ISTPF -International Save The Pun Foundation (who knew??):

Founded by the late John Crosbie in 1979, the International Save The Pun Foundation has become the world’s largest and fastest-growing apocryphal society. Since one person in five in North America is a functional illiterate, and since everywhere the little red schoolhouse is full of too many little-read students, the Foundation exists to arouse a greater interest in reading by encouraging people to have fun with words.

To quote from their history:

The current chairman of the bored, Norman Gilbert, is a financial planner based in Toronto, Ontario. He first subscribed to the pundit in 1984, after hearing John Crosbie in a radio interview, and has never looked back. When John died in 1994, Norman acquired the rights to the Foundation from John’s estate, the transaction taking place, appropriately, on April Fool’s Day.

Under Norman’s leadership, the Foundation’s 1,600 members continue to stumble onward, spreading the good (and sometimes not-so-good) words, and scattering their gems of linguistic libertinism about them like Johnny Appleseed, although perhaps not always with the same level of appreciation. Hysterically screaming “Up the pun!”, this unruly band of rebels may be found waving tattered copies of the pundit, and storming the barricades of grammatical rules and regulations around the world. From Australia to Zimbabwe, wherever they are erected by the steadily retreating phalanxes of pedants and self-appointed guardians of our language, the barriers are falling, and people are having fun with the language, thanks to the unceasing efforts of Norman and his plucky crew.


With great hesitancy, I bow to my love of words – and my admiration for the truly awful pun – and present two of last years winners of the pun-off.

There is a time-limit of 90 seconds for contestants…to which can be added 30 seconds making a total of 2 minutes. Quite long enough to listen to a string of puns I would say. There are two divisions: Punniest of Show and High-Lies & Low-Puns – and each division is limited to 32 participants.

AURAL SEX
(hint: read it carefully)

The graffiti on the PLATHroom wall was simple: “For hot one-on-one word play, call 1-800-WORDCORE.

And so I call, and she answers, and she jumps right into it.

She says, “Are you ready for some aural sex?”

And I say, “Oh, yes!”

And she says, “What are you drinking?”

And I say, “A tall tequila mockingbird, what are you drinking?”

And she said, “A nice vodka milkSHAKESPEARE. You sound so buff…have you been working out? I can tell you have tight vocabs. I’ll bet you have a huge dictionary.”

And I said, “Oh yes, indeed, it’s the Oxford English Language Dictionary. 151 pounds of pure…definition.”

And she said, “I want you to give me multiples right now!”

So, I purred, “Onomatopaea!”

And cried, “More! More!”

So, I moaned, “Supracalifragilisticespialidocious!”

And she said, “Don’t fake it. Give it to me RILKE.”

So, I whispered, “Antidisestablishmentarianism…”

And she screamed, “Affirmative! Affirmative! I want you to rap for me! Now!”

And I said, “What? Rap? I can’t rap!”

And she said, “But rappers are SO sexy!”

And I said, “I can’t rap! I was a Lit Major!”

And she said, “Oh, go PLATH yourself! I know you’ve got a superior WHIT, MAN, so just pull out your DICKENSON and start KEROUACKing now!”

So, I said:

“Uhm… Yo…

My words are warm wool slippers, put your poor, cold feets in
they’ll lock you up like Alexander Solzenitzen!

I’m cooking up lyrics like I was a chef, see?
I’ll give you Rhymes and Punishment like Dostoyevski!

Before you step to me, you better back the heck off,
‘cuz I’ve got more plays that Anton Chekov!”

She said, “You need to slow down, why you be Russian? By the way, you sound a little gay… Are you a homophone?”

And it was then that I realized this wasn’t really working for me. We were just two relationships passing wind in the night, crashing into the same GINSBURG.
–Eirik Ott (copyright 2006)

AN ANIMAL DICTIONARY

Four years ago I stood here and presented an ABC primer on animal puns. Since Richard Lederer and I now have a new book out (titled THE GIANT BOOK OF ANIMAL JOKES), I thought it would be appropriate to present an all-new alphabetical primer on animal puns, with completely different animals. Here I go:

I will not cast ASPersion on my previous performance, but I will BUCK the trend of not using the same theme. I just hope it doesn’t become a CATastrophe and I start DRAGON my feet. And I hope no one will feel any EEL will towards me, as I just want to have a lot of FAWN. In fact, I’ll GOAT to any length to keep these animal puns going forever and HEIFER. I’ll tow the line and try not to give up an INCHworm, as I dig for more animal puns. If I have to search for animal puns at night, I’ll use a JACKAL lantern. My goal, as always, is to keep up the KOALAty of these animal puns. If I can offer any tips to anyone, just LEMUR know. If you’re not sure, merely MULLET over for a while. But don’t be bashful; because, in this case, no news is bad NEWTs. If I’m ever in your neighborhood, I’ll stop by for a visit if OPOSSUM by your house. And I’ll drive carefully, since I don’t want to be accident PRAWN. If I come, I promise not to QUAHOG the conversation. You must think I’m a RAVEN lunatic to keep up this SHRIMPly awful animal punning, when in fact it actually makes me THRUSHed with delight and URCHIN to tell even more. So, are you VIXEN to invite me over? If so, I think WEEVIL have a good time. We could sit around and talk about the death of some skate and ray fish, commonly know as X-
RAYS. Or we could dress up, go out, and YAK it up. Finally though, if a female is invited, she should be sure to wear (as the French say) ZE BRA.
–Jim Ertner (copyright 2006)

The Storms Have Eyes ~ Early Morning Thoughts

Posted on by
2

As I mentioned last night, it seems not to just rain, but it pours. I told a friend today that it reminded me of that moment when the grocery bag has a small hole and then suddenly “rendeth” open and dumps everything out. I was just glad that I had a couple of other “bags” to put everything back.

“While grave-digging, after rainy weather
Always keep a long hollow pipe next to you.
Another poet told me never to forget this.
It will help you to breathe until you’re dug out.”

I had mentioned that yesterday was to be a day of rest and relaxation. Toby and I spent much of the day just chatting and even some – dare I say it – dozing off (and you thought we were doing what?). There were two lengthy conversations later in the day, that I’ll post on later. But, that seemed to set the tone for the evening. There was a great deal of honest talk – some of which fell into the “I’m not sure I want to know that…but I’m glad I do” category.

Of course, no “interesting” day would be complete without some interaction with D&D having some kind of interaction either with themselves, or the world around them. The evening’s middle trauma was a phone call from one of the D’s announcing that they were through with each other and that I could expect a phone call from the other shortly. Having been around them as for this long, I cudda/shudda moved that announcement from the “I need to worry about this right now” to the “I’ll worry about that when I get around to it” category.

But the most troublesome part of the evening involved my Mother. She is a feisty 93 year young lady, who still lives alone – does quite a bit for someone of her age, and refuses to have an answering machine. Last night when I called, something didn’t sound quite right – but I let it pass at the time. Nothing I could put my finger on, but just slightly off none-the-less.

This morning the reason I was uneasy became even more clear. She was lounging in bed when I called and was thinking about simply staying in bed all day. This is not like her. Now, she (as I do) loves to sleep in and enjoy easing into the morning. This was unusual.

Tonight was the cap of the two days. When I called her – all she could get out was that she was having trouble with her words. The next sentences were completely unintelligible. Now, this was a call to action. There are two people who live very nearby and with one phone call one was on the way to see what was up – or down.

My Mother suffers from TIA … without going into great detail (which you can get —>here<—), she was suffering from a mini-stroke. This has happened before, and will definitely happen again. And yes – according to the Doctor, it's not a question of IF she has a stroke but WHEN. (Just to let you know – yes, plans and provisions are in place.) Alright, now the choices come into play. The inner choices. The kind of choices we make all day long on minor things, but sometimes I drop the ball on the major choices about my reactions to what’s going on.

I’ll go back to my Mother – when asked tonight if she realized she was having trouble talking, her only comment was: “The only one I was talking to was the dog, and he wasn’t listening!”

I could easily have become a “spinner” over all the events. Let me explain. When I worked for a certain major airline – the flight attendants had a expression for those people who discover that someone is supposedly sitting in their seat. (next time you’re flying – watch for this) They usually stand in the center of the aisle and turn around and around. Hence, the name spinner. Of course, with all that’s gone on the last couple of days – I could emotionally become a spinner as well.

“And the music goes ’round and ’round
and it comes out ….here.”

And in my case, it wouldn’t have been music, and it certainly would have come out NOT where I wanted. But then again – maybe there IS music in all this. I posted the following on another blog (Sorry Laurie, but I’m using it here as well!!!). It kept coming back to me all day – So, here’s a wonderful poem about music and life!!

Tuning up for the concert of my life
Taking note of classic techniques
Finding the keys to composing myself
I entered into the first movement …
ready …
To B Sharp.

Being A Natural … at this stage
fright did not come into play
Being confident of each measure
I scored victory
Refusing to sing the blues
over A Minor setback
(stumbling upon a broken / bridge
over troubled waters) …
Crossing over anyway to
C Major possibilities
not to B Flat or one-dimensional …
but to embrace all that jazz this
life’s made of …
I entered into the second
movement … set …
to B Sharp.

Directing a chorus
voicing four-part disharmony
Orchestrating rare repeat performances
in unison
I turned a deaf ear to discordant tones
striking a chord of discontent.
Having no time for Modern / pop / bluegrass
/ country / swing / hip-hop
Soul / rap / rhythm and blues / heavy
metal to weigh me down …
I entered into the third movement to a
higher octave oblivious to
all that jazz …
and decided to B Sharp–
to be … MYSELF.
–Iris Formey Dawson
Essence,May, 2001

Integrity – Grace ~ Early Morning Thoughts

Posted on by
Reply

I interrupt the regularly scheduled posting to bring you something that I have been struggling with for several weeks. It began with the election-timed fall of Ted Haggard in a drugs-and-gay-sex scandal. And hopefully what I’m saying will not be misunderstood as something it is not….I do try to tie it up at the end of the article.

Early in November, the Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in Douglas County preached to his 2,100-member congregation about integrity and grace in the aftermath of the Ted Haggard drugs-and-gay-sex scandal.

Here is a parts of the sermon Rev. Paul Barnes gave as the Haggard scandal was still unfolding … his comments are powerful and ring with truth. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t his original sermon – but one he composed shortly before delivering it.

The title of his new sermon: “Integrity, Sin and Grace.”

During the sermon Rev. Barnes defined integrity as “being the same on the outside as you are on the inside.”

All people come to God broken, he said. Maybe it’s alcoholism, he said. Or a bad temper. Or pornography. Some people overcome their problems; others continue to live with them, he said.

Most of us, if the truth were known, we wear masks,” Barnes said. “… Sometimes, we wear masks because we want to be appear more perfect than we are. But the reality of it is, all of us are so very imperfect.

Some people view homosexuality second only to pedophilia on a list of “disgusting things a person can do,” he said.

But why, he asked, do so many Christians gloss over the sins of adultery or idolatry?

What causes more damage to a society? The 2 to 3 percent of the people in a society that are gay or the 50 percent of people in society who have been married and divorced and remarried? (remember he was speaking to a congregation, not the public at large which explains his narrow few of what damages society.)

He urged grace and mercy for all.

Later in December, in a tearful videotaped message Sunday to his congregation, he confessed to homosexuality and announced he had voluntarily resigned his pulpit.

Now, the 54-year-old Barnes has joined Haggard as a fallen evangelical minister who preached that homosexuality was a sin but grappled with a hidden life.

I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy,” Barnes said in the 32- minute video,… I can’t tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep …”

Unlike Haggard, who had the ear of the White House, Barnes is not a household name. He is a self-described introvert who avoids politics. Barnes and Grace Chapel stayed out of the debate over Amendment 43, a measure approved by Colorado voters defining marriage as between one man and one woman.

“I can’t think of a single sermon where he ever had a political agenda,” said Dave Palmer, an associate pastor.

So, unlike Haggard – this was not a pastor that entered the political realm or sought personal gain by his sermons, books or speaking engagements. He seems as a man trying as Paul described in Philippians 2:12: Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always done — not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling…

This, to me is what Rev. Barnes was attempting to do. And, this admonition continues to haunt even today….gay or straight we are to work out our OWN reality with fear and trembling.

Now the part of the article that really troubled me:

Palmer said the church got an anonymous call last week from a person “concerned” for the welfare of Barnes and the church. The caller had overheard a conversation in which someone mentioned “blowing the whistle” on evangelical preachers engaged in homosexuality, including Barnes.

Why is this troubling? These people profess to be something they are not – and encourage discriminatory behavior. So, it does seem logical that their secrets need to be brought to light. Where I have a problem, is when we take on ourselves to make what is in the dark public without caring about the result. This may get me into trouble however: To me, private is private ~ however, as far as secret evil is concerned an ancient admonition is crystal clear:

Things that are done in darkness (hidden/masked/hypocritical)
WILL be exposed to the light.

It might not be my timetable or the way I would wish it to be – but I have seen it time and time again.
The biggest noisemakers or their so-called truth end up in ashes.
We can name them and it takes more than the fingers of our hands.

So here is where my quandary begins. Their speech harmed people, caused discrimination and in some cases, deep hurt (which sometimes is physical). So the exposing of the hypocrisy seems to do a good thing. But, is it? I don’t have an easy answer. As far as their speaking out against gays, but living the gay lifestyle the answers seems clear-cut. Again I ask in all honesty…Is it?

Where I’m at for now, is looking at the result. What has it changed? Has it brought reasonable dialogue or even more posturing from all sides of the damaging kind. I do know that I can not cheer and relish the downfall of someone, anyone — unless I would want the same kind of downfall on myself. I also know that I can have relief that they are no longer doing damage to others in the way they were – but also, that I need to work toward reconciliation of people of all kinds and types to the greater good of all.

Remember the title of Rev. Barnes sermon included the word integrity?

The opposite of integrity, etymologically, is privation, deprivation, depravity, perversion, rupture, destruction, corruption. That which takes away from the whole entity or system or organ, from wholeness, wholesomeness, holism, soundness, sanity, ecology, cohesion, idealism, interconnectedness. In other words, breakdown.

The term can be applied in the moral, rational, or physical domains of human endeavor. Moral integrity refers to a cohesive set of principles, rational integrity to a cohesive logic, and physical integrity to a cohesive physical structure. In each sense integrity means wholeness, soundness, consistency, coherence.

So when we say something lacks integrity we mean, literally, it is falling apart. It has lost the critical elements, balance, connectedness that kept it together. It has come unglued.
–Dave Pollard 12/5/2003

Thus endeth the posting for this morning – your regularly scheduled posting will resume tomorrow.

2nd picture Soul Struggle by Frank Picini http://artworks.avalonweb.net/gallery/excellence_main.php
6th picture The Reconciliation by Gwen Raverat http://www.broughtonhousegallery.co.uk/raverat_38.html

But Will These Be In The O. E. D. ? ~

Posted on by
Reply
Each year, The Washington Post has a
neologism contest to supply
alternate meanings for common words.
This years winners:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

They also asked readers to take
any word from the Dictionary, alter it
by adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter,
and supply a new definition.

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody Is sending off all these really bad vibes, Right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of Getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an a**hole

Thanks to fletcherbeaver for these

Fast Facts ~ Just In Case . . .

Posted on by
Reply
Some Facts You Probably Didn’t Know ~
And Probably Didn’t Want To Know ~

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
(nice to know I can’t be french kissed by one!)

A snail can sleep for three years.
(It bought it’s bed from an infomercial, right?

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
That must have been one hell of an olive!)

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I’ve know people like that)

Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(I tried that – it certainly added a cheesy flavor to things)

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics at one time were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear any pants.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Humans, Chimpanzees and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
(I received an email from D who knows about these things. Actually the shortest sentence would be GO. As the you would be understood…((and now I’m confused!))

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal humans neck.
((what would Ken’s measurements be? Inquiring minds want to know!)

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(I once had a boss I wish had read this!)

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
(The original metrosexuals!)

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Leonard Da Vinci invented the scissors.
(But he never used them on his own hair?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month or orange.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
(Now there’s a murder mystery novel waiting to be written)

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
(eyebrows – what about eyebrow hair?)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(a right-hander must have done that survey)

Shakespeare invented the words ‘assassination’ and ‘bump.’

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I want to be that lion!)

Starfish have no brain.
(So do some people I know!)

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
(I knew that casserole tasted weird)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
(I think he used to be my dentist)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(and all this time I thought CSI was kidding!)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.
(nice myth – but not true.
However, as far as some of my dates have been concerned …)

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The name Wendy was made up for the book ‘Peter Pan.’

The Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities.
(no wonder they can’t find anything – everyone’s in the bathroom)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(In more ways than one!)
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
(mine must have gotten lost in the mail)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
(does batting your eyelashes at someone count?)

In North America, you are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

Early Morning Thoughts ~ Two Very Special Guests

Posted on by
Reply

I have been writing about my journey concerning truth, childlike enthusiasm and love. During this time, I discovered a wonderful blog written by Steve and Warren. It’s called simply Our View On Superior. Since they live near Lake Superior – it’s a very apt title.

It also is a searing, unflinching and honest blog. I have it listed in my blogs I read section, but here is another link to it.

For those of us who are “older” we look on in awe at what some people have found together, and Steve and Warren are people who have worked at their relationship, and found something powerful and wonderful. They seem to continue their journey in love and communication with profound respect for each other and for life.

I salute them…and offer this posting in its entirety from their blog for you to see. It deals with words and love. And it touched my heart deeply as well as profoundly.

In an unusual move for me, the only picture in the posting is the one they used on their site … by the poem at the end – which, by the way, is one of the more beautiful ones I have read.

And someday – I hope in the not too distant future – that I will be able to look at my partner this way —

I will be interested in what you think of it …And please do not use their post without asking them first.


It is strange how words can change the flow of life. For nearly eight and one-half years words have been at times misunderstood between us. He is 33 and I am 60, we come to this world and to this relationship from different eras of time. Our words learned and our words spoken do not necessarily mean the same thing in today’s era of time. Steve was taught this, and I was taught that; Steve learned this and I learned that, he understood this and I understood that.

The way we speak, the reason we speak, what we mean, what we don’t mean – are all about us – together and spoken in love.

Words spoken in love, in jest, in kindness, in moments of hurt, in all situations have a way of hurting or helping a relationship such as the one Steve and I share together.

Has it ever happened that you have stopped to think about the power of words? Probably not – because most of us simply do not stop to think – but we speak first and listen second. Depending on how they are used, words can:

* bring about confusion to our lives
* create enormous and very walls that we sometimes hide behind
* come between you and your mate like a razor sharp knife that cuts and hurts one or both of you
* brings about fear and mistrust between you and your mate

Or they can:

* encourage us to try new adventures and new ideals in life
* many times they can bring peace to a hurting and broken heart
* create bridges of our friendship with our mates and increase our love for him
* and even sometimes they can pass on eternal truths to the one we love
* break down walls of fear

Each of these items is true of all words, whether spoken or written.

Your words will show what’s in your heart, so decide about your words carefully, look into your heart. If you find anger, fear, hurt, and other types of darkness; showing or speaking those words to others may not have a good final outcome. Ask me, I’ve done that and so has Steve – we’ve hurt each other and in all cases we truly never meant it.

When your heart is boiling over with respect, gratitude, understanding and love, your words will touch your mate’s heart with softness.

I’ve learned that I need to keep in mind that spoken words can not be unsaid, written words can not be unread.

We each need to learn how to use the power of our spoken and sometimes written words with discretion and leave instead a never ending trail of joy for the man we truly love.

When I lie beside Steve,
His knee presses
Against the underside
Of my knee,
His hand presses
Against my chest,
As if holding me together.
If I wake,
And he isn’t beside me,
I’ll curl up
Like a frightened child,
Lost in the dark,
Afraid to move.
If I wake,
And he isn’t beside me,
The thickest blanket
Won’t keep me warm.
But I wake,
And find him
Beside me.
He holds me together.

Together – love spoken to my mate.

Yes, I have faith.

Sticks and Stones . . . But Words ~

Posted on by
1

Sticks and stones
may break my bones –
But words can
never hurt me.
–nursery rhyme

Words! Words! I’m so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?
Don’t talk of stars Burning above; If you’re in love,
Show me! Tell me no dreams
Filled with desire. If you’re on fire,
Show me!
—Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady

There is a group dedicated to studying the English Language of North America. Now, before you think of some stuffy group working in a velvet wall-papered study clouded with ciagr smoke and drinking port and sherry arguing the nuances of potato versus potatoe – nothing could be further from the truth.

This group actually collects current words and then through a voting process nominates and selects word(s) of the year.

Founded in 1889, the American Dialect Society is dedicated to the study of the English language in North America, and of other languages, or dialects of other languages, influencing it or influenced by it. ADS members are linguists, lexicographers, etymologists, historians, grammarians, academics, editors, writers, and independent scholars in the fields of English, foreign languages, and other disciplines. The society also publishes the quarterly journal American Speech.

And I want to announce the word for 2006 —

PLUTOED

Earlier this year in a move that caused shudders among textbook publishers and teachers with detailed lesson plans, The General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union removed Pluto as a planet. Downgrading it to a very lowly status.

To quote from the society press release:

to pluto/be plutoed: to demote or devalue someone or something, as happened to the former planet Pluto when the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union decided Pluto no longer met its definition of a planet.

This should be a really fun word to use:

“Boy, there’s a pluto waiting to happen…”
“I got so plutoed last night…”
“So, after he tried a hostile pluto, I pulled a data valdez and ended that grup’s hold…” (using words from the press release)

The American Dialect Society began choosing Words of the Year in 1990. The full release including previous choices may be found by clicking here.(requires adobe acrobat)

Their disclaimer:
Not all words chosen for a particular year are destined to become permanent additions to the vocabulary. Y2K in 1999 and chad in 2000 are examples of prominent terms that faded quickly. An explanation of which words are likely to succeed may be found in Predicting New Words: The Secrets of Their Success by Allan Metcalf, published in 2002 by Houghton Mifflin.

Thanks for sending me the article Donna!